Tears still running down his face, Daniel slowly walked up to Peter. “I’m not a liar, but I did break my promise. Please forgive me for that,” he quietly asked, barely looking at him. Too much was happening at once, and his mind was almost numb.

“Cheating bitch,” Peter hissed, the anger and jealousy evident in his voice. Daniel didn’t even feel the pain intended by the insult. He looked directly at him now, fixing on those honey sparkles he always found so alluring. “We just said good-bye, that’s all. He’s gone, Peter … forever.” Daniel walked past him into the house and closed the door, throwing the deadbolt.

Peter sat motionless on the cold steps, wrapped in his own possessiveness. He had heard the lock slam shut, clearly meant to keep him out. Slowly, Peter began to rock himself, knowing that he had asked too much, and wondering if he had just shattered the love Daniel was willing to share with him. Yet, the anger continued to seethe within him.

Once inside, Daniel took off his boots and coat, then went upstairs and started to run hot water into the bathtub. He’d showered since forever, but now felt the need for a soaking, hot bath. His eyes streaming with tears, he went into his room and slowly peeled off his clothes.

It was almost painful. Daniel wanted Carter to be doing this, remembering how teasingly he had opened his Christmas present. The slow, deliberate taking away of his shirt, but ripping his tee apart, still made Daniel shudder. At the same time, however, he wished that Peter was stripping them away, calling him a dick-licker as he did so.

Now naked, Daniel turned off the water, and settled into the tub, feeling the hot water surround his chilled body. It reminded him of a time long ago when his mother, and sometimes his father, used to bathe him. He took a bar of soap and began to lather himself, starting with his face.

Daniel wanted those tears washed away first, and slowly ran his soapy hands over his cheeks. All of the significant things he had experienced in life were tumbling through his mind at once. “I lose my dad, mom has to work every shift on the planet, I’m gay, fall in love with a librarian who just said that he loves me but won’t return, and now locked out the person I also love, yet probably can’t forgive me.”

He didn’t know how to resume his relationship with Peter, or if it was even possible. If so, what direction would it take? The decision was now Peter’s, not his.

Lost in thought, the water cooled enough to bring him to his senses. Shivering a bit, Daniel realized that his mother was due home from work soon. Working an odd schedule, she always relied upon him to help prepare dinner, and he often cooked his own meals. Daniel rinsed himself off and drained the tub. After quickly drying himself with a thick towel, he slipped into clean, white briefs, thermal socks and a set of gray sweat pants and shirt.

Daniel ran downstairs and opened the refrigerator. Not much to be found; a bit of left-over chicken, two eggs, and a small piece of onion. He quickly worked that into a simple omelet as he heard his mother’s car pull into the driveway.

Entering through the back door, she kicked off her shoes, then called for him, as usual. “Daniel! I’m home,” taking in the delicious aroma that filled the kitchen. Daniel knew his mother’s routine, and stood by the stove, making sure the egg dish wasn’t over-cooked. She quickly went to her room and took off the blue scrubs she usually wore, and returned wearing a comfortable, loose-fitting flannel robe.

She walked into the kitchen with a smile on her face, and wrapped her arms around him from behind as he flipped the omelet onto a plate. Kissing his neck, she softly cooed “you’re just too good to me,” then sat down at the table. Daniel proudly set the plate in front of her, along with a fork. As she began to eat, he ran a sink of hot water with dish-washing liquid.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” his mother asked between bites. “No, I’m not hungry,” he said, washing the pan and spatula, setting them in the rack to dry. Hesitantly, he asked, “mom, could we look at some of dad’s stuff tonight? I mean, just look at it.” She finished her meal and put the dish and fork into the water, feeling that something wasn’t right.

Daniel washed the single plate and fork, and put them into the drying rack, then went into the living room and sat down on the couch. His mother sat next to him, and he cuddled into her. “Why do you want to look at that now?” she asked. “Well, it’s just been a long time, and I was thinking of him today. I don’t really know why,” Daniel replied.

He was lying to her.

She said, “okay, but you know there isn’t much to see.” “I know,” he said. His mother got up and went into her bedroom, Daniel starting to follow. “No, just stay there,” she directed, growing a bit concerned. He returned to the couch and waited, his mind spinning, a plan beginning to form.

His mother returned with a cardboard box and sat down next to him. Daniel rested his head against her shoulder as she slowly opened it. Atop the contents was a portrait of his father in his police uniform, black ribbon draped across the corner of the glass and metal frame. It had been given to them by the town authorities after he was killed. Small compensation, but it was the best they could do.

They said nothing, yet both instinctively ran their hands across it, gently touching his face with their fingertips.

She took it out and set it aside, revealing a dark blue uniform shirt with the badge he always wore. It was still shiny, highly-polished, as he always kept it. Neatly folded, she pulled the shirt to her face. It was one that she hadn’t laundered after his death. “I’ll never forget that smell,” she whispered, holding it close.

Daniel first saw the grip of the Beretta 9mm pistol as she pulled the uniform away. That’s what he was looking for. As his mother reminisced, he reached into the box and took the gun into his hand, noticing that there was a box of cartridges there, as well.

“Put that back!” his mother ordered, seeing what he had done. “Mom, you know that dad taught me all about his gun. He didn’t want me to be afraid of it, but I learned to respect what it can do.” She remembered the lessons her husband had taught him, and it calmed her a bit, yet she took it away from him. “That’s enough for tonight,” she said, putting everything into the box and walking back into her bedroom.

She returned to the couch, where Daniel tightly curled himself into a ball against her. “Mom, have you ever loved anyone other than dad?” he asked quietly. Although a bit stunned by the question, she paused and reflected on her own life. “Yes, I have,” she said.

“What happens when you love two people at the same time?” he asked softly. His mother could feel the anguish surrounding him, and held her only son close to her body. “Daniel, you can love several people at once, but in different ways. Your love for me, dad, and grandmother are all different, aren’t they?” she asked, trying her best to be motherly, but knew that wasn’t the kind of love he was talking about. Her young son’s heart was breaking for the first time, and she could feel his pain run through her.

So many opportunities had been missed between them because of their circumstances, but it was time to get to the point. Although difficult to accept, she knew that her son was no longer a little boy. The registered nurse came out in her, having dealt with more tragedy than he could even imagine.

“You’ve fallen in love with two people, haven’t you, Daniel?” she asked, almost harshly. His mother purposefully didn’t give him a chance to respond. “Let me guess; one is sweet, the other more aggressive, and you can’t decide between the two.”

He couldn’t believe how she might know so much. “That comes pretty close, mom, but it’s more involved than that,” he said. “What are their names?” she probed. It was time to make a decision, and Daniel finally accepted that she would have to know sooner or later.

“Carter and Peter,” he quietly replied, closing his eyes, holding his breath, and fearing the worst. There, it was done.

His mother didn’t say a word but, after pausing a few moments to let the reality sink in, pulled him closer. “Do you hate me?” he asked fearfully. She cradled him and kissed his cheek. “Oh, my Daniel, I could never do that to someone I love so much.” He started to breathe again, feeling his mother’s warmth and understanding envelop him. However, Daniel needed to ask the question buried deepest in his heart and mind.

“Would dad hate me?” he whispered. The question struck his mother hard, and launched her into an almost dream-like state. What would Daniel’s father say if he was here right now? Would he accept his gay son, or kick him aside as “one of those freaks?”

“Your father was a policeman. He put on the tough face at work because he had to, but was always a soft-touch, and everyone knew it. Sometimes he would cry when he came home after work. We never talked about homosexuality, much less whether you might be gay. I would like to think that he would have understood, but I truly don’t know,” she said, her mind grasping at the past. “Daniel, all I can tell you for certain is that your father loved you more deeply than anyone else,” his mother said.

It was a fair and honest answer to a painful question. Daniel understood that she couldn’t read his father’s mind, but also felt her uncertainty. “Thanks, mom. I’m tired now and want to go to bed,” he softly replied. He kissed her, and she watched as he slowly walked up the stairs, so many questions yet unanswered.

Daniel never went to Peter’s house. He had three younger sisters, and his mother didn’t work, so she was almost always at home. There was little chance of them ever being close to each other there without being discovered, so Daniel just waited. Peter had to come to him, but he didn’t.

They were used to being casual at school, but Daniel knew that Peter was avoiding him. When their eyes did meet, the honey sparkles flared. The swimming season was coming to a close, but the cross-country team was just beginning. Daniel was a swimmer; Peter a runner. Their paths always crossed in the locker-room. Seeing Peter’s naked body in the shower made Daniel want to pull him close and feel his love, but there was now ice between them. It was clear that Peter was unwilling to forgive.

Alex was a junior and cross-country star. He enjoyed mentoring younger runners, and saw good potential in the freshman Peter, welcoming him to the team. At 17, he was tall, standing just over six feet. His body was lean and sculpted, with muscular legs and slender arms. He had auburn hair and green eyes, smooth skin and a firm ass.

Peter had taken note of it in the shower, especially after Daniel broke his promise. Alex had also cast glances at Peter’s body, and liked what he saw.

It was after cross-country practice one Friday when Alex suggested to Peter that he could improve his pace and breathing. “Okay, I guess I’ll need some lessons,” he smiled. Together, they ran yet another course, Alex encouraging him along the way.

Having done extra work, they returned to a quiet, empty locker-room. They got out of their running clothes and went into the shower. As he lathered his body, Peter found himself sneaking short glances at Alex but, when their eyes met, quickly looked away.

Alex hadn’t failed to notice the peeks and silently walked up behind Peter, wrapping his arms around him and pulling their soapy bodies together. Peter gasped as he felt Alex’s hands run over his chest and stomach, Alex’s slippery cock beginning to stiffen against his smooth ass. “Oh no, don’t,” he softly pleaded. Alex kissed his neck and whispered, “you know we both want it.”

Reaching lower as he held him close, Alex began to fondle Peter’s cock, feeling it harden as his own dick raged against Peter’s cute, little buns. “You’re so hot,” Alex purred as he nibbled Peter’s ear, continuing to stroke his hard cock. Alex turned him around without warning, and drew him into a tight embrace, kissing him deeply.

Peter thought he was dreaming as he felt the luscious, slick body crush against his own, their cocks ground between them. He returned the passionate kiss, running his hands over Alex’s firm ass. Separating, Alex gently moved Peter under the streaming water to rinse away the soapy foam. He looked directly into his eyes and, without saying a word, Alex dropped to his knees.

He took Peter’s aching cock into his mouth and sucked hard. Alex wasn’t in the mood to tease, since there was a chance they might be discovered. He moved up and down Peter’s hard shaft with a vengeance, applying as much suction and speed as possible. It didn’t take long. Peter thought his balls were going to be pulled through his dick as he exploded. “You fuck! Oh, shit! Yah!” Peter grunted as he blew his load into Alex’s mouth, shooting bolts of hot cream that Alex swallowed down without letting up for a second.

Almost ready to collapse onto the floor, Peter felt Alex let his drained cock slip from his mouth, then kiss and lick his way up to his face. Alex kissed him hard. It wasn’t a soft, gentle touch of their lips. He devoured Peter like candy, pushing his tongue into his mouth. After swirling their tongues together, Alex pulled away and spun him around.

Now facing the shower wall, Alex took both of Peter’s hands and pinned them against the tile. “You want me to fuck you, Peter, don’t you,” Alex asked coyly, hot-dogging him as he slowly slid his 7” cock between his ass-cheeks. “I want to hear that you want me to fuck you, Peter.”

New sensations coursed through his body. Peter thought of Daniel’s gentle touch, yet this was more thrilling than he had ever imagined. Alex was using him, almost abusing him, yet he loved it. “Yes, fuck me,” Peter begged.

Alex squirted a few drops of soap from the dispenser onto his hand, then rubbed it over his dick and Peter’s tight hole, probing him with a finger. “Oh, you little bitch, it feels like this has been used before,” he devilishly whispered into Peter’s ear. Alex withdrew his finger and grabbed his rigid cock, sliding the head around Peter’s little opening.

His hands against the wall, Peter spread his legs and thrust his hips back against Alex. “You want it bad, don’t you? Beg for it,” Alex taunted him, a fiendish smile on his face. “You prick, don’t torture me any more. Do me, fuck my ass, right now!” Peter ordered.

Alex couldn’t take it any longer himself, and slipped the head of his throbbing cock into Peter’s asshole. Though not a virgin, Peter winced as the dick, much larger than Daniel’s, penetrated him. “Owwww!” he yelped. Undeterred by his response, Alex grabbed Peter’s hips and jammed his entire cock into the tight boy-ass.

Peter felt as though he was being torn apart but, as Alex began to fuck him, his muscles relaxed and the animal pleasure started to overtake him. “Ah, ah, ah,” he grunted with each thrust as Alex picked up speed, ramming his cock to the hilt into the steaming cavern. “You like it hard, don’t you slut?” Alex panted as he pounded the little ass, his hips slapping against Peter’s buns. He was only able to respond with moans and gasps as the hard shaft drilled into him.

Alex fucked him like a beast until he couldn’t hold out any more. He yanked Peter’s hands away from the wall and pulled him against his chest, wrapping him into an impossible crush. Peter now upright against him, Alex continued to fuck, erupting with torrents of boiling sperm that filled Peter’s chute. Every volley of cum that he shot into the boy sent a shuddering jolt through his body. The orgasm was mind-warping, intense, bone-crushing.

Alex held Peter closely as he emptied his balls into him, making sure he got every last drop before pulling out. “You liked that, didn’t you?” Alex panted into Peter’s neck. “Oh yah, oh yah,” he moaned. Still holding him, Alex reached down and gathered up the ball gravy now drooling out of Peter’s ass. He brought it up to Peter’s face, who greedily licked it up.

Although it wasn’t surprising since they were on the cross-country team together, Daniel had noticed that Peter and Alex spent more time with each other at school. They ate lunch together and talked in the hallway after classes. Daniel had also seen the looks they shared, along with subtle gropes under the lunchroom table. It was horribly painful, yet he somehow held out hope that Peter might return to him.

His freshman year had now come to a close, and Daniel wondered how he would spend the summer. As ever, he wanted to read at the library, but was afraid to even go. If Carter was there, it would be a terrible situation. However, one day in mid-June, he bucked up his courage and just went. Walking slowly into the library, he looked around and saw no one; no visitors, no librarian. He cautiously went over to his favorite desk and sat down, memories flooding over him.

“Hello, Daniel,” Mrs. McGuire said cheerfully, coming from behind a bookshelf. “I’ve been wondering where you’ve been.” He was a bit shocked, yet relieved. “I’ve been busy,” he lied. Pausing, he asked, “is Carter working here this summer?” “No, he never applied for the job, so you’re stuck with me,” she laughed, returning to her work.

Daniel continued to visit the library after that day with a happy, yet sad, heart. He was glad that he could read in peace, but the place invariably brought his thoughts back to Carter. It was impossible for him to forget what had begun there a year ago, much less what had happened in the meantime.

The church festival was always held in the small town on the fourth of July, and was quite the major affair. It included a parade, various stands for kids and adults and, the biggest draw of all, a large beer tent complete with polka band. A carnival of sorts, all proceeds went to the church, their major fund-raising event of the year. Everyone attended, whether you were a member of the church or not.

The library, of course, was closed. Instead, Daniel went to the fest, watching the parade at ten o’clock, then wandering the grounds to see what might be interesting. He was too young for the beer tent. The quilt stands were staffed by old ladies and the fishing ponds designed for little kids. Bored, he decided to go home.

Wading through the crowd, he ran directly into Peter. Startled at first, he saw that Alex was with him. Amid the throng of people, Daniel also noticed that they were gently holding hands, just their little fingers entwined. For the first time since March, he stared into Peter’s eyes, unwilling to look away.

“Are we done, Peter? I’ve got to know,” he asked sharply.

With more of a smirk than a smile, the honey sparkles glowing, Peter said, “I’m not sure.” Daniel watched as Peter looked at Alex, then let go of his hand to slide it onto Alex’s firm ass. “You ought to know about that. After all, he’s just a boyfriend, not a lover … cheater.”

Daniel wandered away through the horde of people and made his way home. He had never been beaten down so hard in his life, perhaps a life not worth living. Entering the quiet house, he went into his mother’s bedroom, opened the closet and began pushing clothes and boxes aside. He was in a frenzy until he found the box containing his dad’s things.

Sitting down on the floor, he opened the box, pulling out the picture and uniform shirt. Daniel grew much calmer as he took out the pistol. It felt comfortable in his hand, yet scary. He released the magazine and found that it was empty.

Daniel pulled open the box of cartridges, and remembered the process his father had taught him. He chose only one round and pushed it into the magazine, then shoved it home. Pulling the slide back and releasing it forward, Daniel lowered the hammer and knew the gun was ready to do what it was designed for.

He kissed his finger, then pressed it against his father’s lips in the photograph. “Forgive me, dad,” Daniel said. Putting everything back into place, except the gun, he left the house.

He walked to Lake George in a daze, finally sitting on a wooden bench. Daniel took the gun from his waistband and looked at it carefully. He could hear the polka band playing from the festival in town, and thought of Peter and Alex as he looked out over the water.

It had all come to an end. Lost in thought, Daniel put his finger on the trigger and slowly brought the gun into his lap, trying to decide which way was best. He was surprised to feel a strong hand reach around from behind and take the gun away.

“Afternoon, kiddo,” he heard. Daniel’s heart nearly stopped, a million thoughts running through his mind at once. “Hey, Carter,” he mumbled.

Sitting down next to him, Carter said nothing, but put his arm around Daniel’s shoulder. They sat together silently until Daniel said, “you were never coming back, that’s what you told me.” Carter thought for a moment, then quietly replied, “that’s what I thought, Daniel, and tried my best, but I couldn’t do it. You mean too much to me.”

Daniel turned and pulled himself against Carter’s chest. “Do you really love me?” he asked. Carter wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled into his neck. “You’re the only person I’ve ever loved,” he said. They held each other tightly, cuddling together.

“Carter, you said this could never work out,” Daniel softly reminded him. Carter drew back slightly and looked into those blue eyes, running his hands through Daniel’s black hair.

“Somehow, Daniel, somehow we’ll make this work,” Carter said, kissing him passionately.

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