My 18th birthday had come and gone. I didn’t know that Miss Roberts had something planned for me until that day. From the day we fucked again for the first time in a very long time, she and I would hook up in different places to take care of our sexual needs. It wasn’t every day, but it was often. As in once a week, sometimes it was two week before we hooked up again. We were great friends and it showed, but my feelings for her had gotten very very deep. I didn’t know what it was since I had never had those feeling before for anyone. I hid those feelings because we were so close. I suspected that she may have been feeling the same way about me mainly because she never dated anyone ever again. She only wanted me, and I just wanted to be hers. Two weeks prior to my birthday she and I stopped hooking up. I wasn’t at all bothered by that at all. Why you ask? Well, because we were way to close of friends. However, my birthday was an amazing amazing night. The sex was out of this world that night. We fucked in so many positions that it was t funny.

A month or two passed and she seemed like she was getting sick a lot more. I started to worry about her because of it. She and I remained close, and our relationship never changed. We still talked about everything. But she was getting worse and worse as the days went by. What ever it was, it was hitting her hard and fast. I finally talked her into going to the doctor after she refused since they couldn’t tell her what was wrong at first. The poor girl was loosing weight like crazy, and she couldn’t afford to loose weight. She was tiny as it was. She took a few days off of work and I went to visit her everyday, hell we basically lived together at that point. So it was more like I went home to her. She was having very severe headaches and started to have trouble remembering certain things. She would also complain about how one side of her body wasn’t working and seemed to be weak on that side. She was nauseous a lot and she would loose almost everything she ate. She even slurred her speech at times and had a difficult time speaking at times. I was worried sick about her, and she knew it.

So I made her make an appointment to go see another doctor. I even drove her to the doctors office and everything. When she came back out she looked pale as hell. I tried asking her what was wrong and she very politely and sweetly told me that she didn’t want to talk about it yet. As time progressed all of her cheerleaders came to me asking me about her. Hell, even the principle called me into his office to ask me what was going on. He could read my face and knew that something was terribly wrong. It had now been a little over a month and I took care of her as much as I could. She still helped me with my homework and everything. She went to another doctor, and had a cat scan and MRI. I wasn’t there for those because I was in school every time. She had blood work done and other stuff done. One day she had just gotten home from her doctors and called me. I had just gotten home fm school and got ready to go home to her.

“Hey babe, what are you up to?” She asked.

“Not much, I just got home from school. How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Not too good.” She said. It sounded like she was crying.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I need to talk to you.” She said.

“I’m on my way.” I said.

“Ok, the back door is unlocked.” She said.

I got up and almost ran to her Appartment. I opened the door and saw her sitting on her couch in the fetal position. I felt this overwhelming feeling of worry sweep through me. I walked up and she looked up at me and stretched her arms to me. I sat down and wrapped my arms around her.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as she cried.

“Ssshhhhh. I just want to be held for a minute.” She said.

I held her tight as I felt her tiny weak body shake. After a few minutes she let go of me and turned sideways so that we were face to face.

“Adam, I want you to know something before I tell you what the doctors told me.” She said.

“Ok.” I said.

“You have to promise that you won’t say anything till I am done.” She said.

“I promise.” I said.

There was this silence that I have never heard before that just filled the room. All I could hear was her crying. We sat there for several minutes like that before she finally got it together and looked up at me.

“I know that our relationship never should have happened, but I want you to know right now, that I don’t regret any of it. In fact I would do it all over again, without hesitation. You changed my life in way I never thought was possible. I was an angry, bitter person and I had so many issues in my life. So much so that I didn’t care what I did or what happened to me. When we got caught, I got scared because I didn’t want to go to jail, but I didn’t really care. Then you did what you did to protect me and it surprised me. I never expected that to happen at all.

When you came into my life, you gave me a reason to live, a reason to wake up. I never thought that I would ever have a friend like you. You have to know that you made me a much better person than I have ever been. Just ask any of my friends and family back home. They say that I’m a different person. They say that they love the change I made. You have been thee most amazing person, the best person I have ever met in my life. There are very little to no guys like you out there. No person male or female has ever done what you have done for me. No one has ever placed their neck on the line like you did for me. I want you to know that.” She said as she all but sobbed.

“You’re scaring me Janine.” I said.

“I just have to tell you that I am literally the person I am today because of you. I never thought that I would ever be happy. I have never been this happy before. I never thought that you would be the one person who would show me things in life that I never thought existed. You showed me more over the last year and a half than I ever thought was possible, more than I have seen or experienced in my entire life. I have to thank you for everything you have done for me. I have to thank you for being so amazing to me, and for being who you are.” She said.

“What’s going on?” I asked worried sick.

“I don’t want you to worry about me. I want you to keep being who you are and what you are.” She said.

“I will.” I said.

“You promise me that you won’t change.” She all but demanded through tears.

“I promise that I won’t change.” I said

She looked me in my eyes and took both of my hands. She started to all but sob as she tried to speak for a minute but wasn’t able to since she was crying so hard. She pulled herself together and wiped her tears away and grabbed my hands again.

“Listen to me, baby, I have cancer. It’s called De Novo Glioblastoma, they say that it’s the most aggressive form of brain cancer.” She said.

“What?” I asked as my entire body went numb and my world crashed to the ground.

“Yeah.” She whispered as she watched my eyes fill with tears.

Have you ever seen a big man about 7 foot 4 inches tall and 224 pounds break down and cry like a baby? If you were there, you would have seen it first hand. I didn’t care if anyone saw me crying like I was. My best friend, my sister that I’ve never had, had brain cancer. The one person that I cared about the most in life had a life threatening sickness and there was nothing I could do to protect her now. It was then that I realized something. Something I had never experienced before in my life. I was in love with her! That’s what those feelings were, I had been in love with her for a long time! I felt helpless and a very deep sense of despair wash over me.

“Oh my god.” I said between sobs.

“Adam, Adam, it’s ok sweetie, it’s ok.” She said as she let go of my hands and started to wipe my tears.

“I’m so sorry.” I said as I sobbed hard. So hard that I was shaking.

“Don’t be honey, it’s ok.” She said as she wrapped her arms around me and held me as she sobbed as well.

I have no idea how long we sat there sobbing together. All I know was that it was a very long time. Mom had called me several times but I didn’t answer. My mind was on Miss Janine. After, well, I have no idea how long, she decided to lighten things up a little.

“Well, there is one thing that I can say I did before I died.” She said as she smiled.

“What’s that?” I asked.”

“I got fucked rrrreeeealy really good and had so many, many multiple orgasms.” She said as she laughed.

“Yeah there is that.” I said as we both laughed.

“How long?” I asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it, please, at least not now. I just want to be here with you and that’s it.” She said.

“That works for me.” I said.

“Good.” She said.

“By the way, you’re the first person I have told about this.” She said.

“Why me?” I asked.

She wrapped her arm in mine and laid her head on me and snuggled against me tightly.

“Because I’m in love with you. I love you.” She said making me start crying again.

I turned to her and lifted her head by her chin gently and pressed my lips against hers and kissed her very softly. Her tongue slid into my mouth first and we just sat there kissing very slowly and softly.

“I love you too.” I said as we both stared into each other’s eyes crying.

“I know. It’s pretty obvious, and it makes me the happiest girl alive. There is one really big, and for me the most important thing that I have learned from you.” She said.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“What true love is, what its like, and what it is suppose to be. I never thought I would ever experience that, but you gave that to me.”
She said.

“Just know that I do not regret any of this. There is only one thing that I do regret.” I said.

“What is that?” She asked.

“I wish I would have told you that I loved you sooner.” I said.

“You didn’t have to baby. I already knew, actions speak louder than words. Every one of my cheer leaders know that we aren’t really brother and sister. They all kept telling me that you were in love with me. And trust me, I knew. I just wish I would have told you sooner.” She said.

“I already knew, I just didn’t recognize it.” I said.

“You’re a young teenager, you’re only 18. You didn’t know what to look for, but, you are so much further ahead of anyone your age because you know what true love is. You should be proud of that.” She said.

We sat there and day dreamed about us. Getting married and having a family together and everything. She was most definitely the woman I would have married. I told her that I knew what to look for in a woman now and I wasn’t going to settle for less, and it was going to be a woman like her.

Later I ended up calling my mom and talking to her. That night and into the next two days, I never left her side. I stayed with her all day and all night over the entire weekend. I made dinner for her and everything. I pampered her like crazy for those two days. Here is what made it harder for me, she was going home to her mom since the best treatments for her cancer were suppose to be there. She was leaving on Wednesday so she decided to go to school Monday and break the news to her cheerleaders. That night she told me about her cancer, we waited till later before she face timed her mom and told her. Her mom broke down too and that’s when her mom told her to move back in with her and soon. She did the same thing to her dad and her sister. Let’s just say that it was a very dark night for all involved. I had never cried so much and so hard in my life.

On Monday she had placed her notice in that she had to quit along with a doctors note. That Monday she and I were going to go meet with her cheer leaders after school. I went through the day in a daze and it was obvious that something was wrong. I was distant and didn’t say much. After school all of her varsity squad met in her room and I went to go pick her up. We got to her room and it was just her, me and her cheer leaders. We shut and locked the door and then Janine and I sat on the desk together and she interlocked her fingers with mine, wrapping her arms tightly to mine. Our fingers squeezed together as she leaned on me.

“Ok girls here it is. I have to thank you all for making my years as fun as they have been. You all have been like my sisters and I want you all to know that I love you all. I want you to know that I am really going to miss all of you so bad.” She said as she and all of the girls started crying.

“What’s going on Miss Roberts? Whats wrong?” Several of them asked.

“Baby, can you tell them please?” She asked as she sobbed and wrapped her arms around mine and snuggled against me tightly.

“There is no easy way to say this.” I said as I started to cry myself, making the girls cry even harder.

“Whats wrong?” One of them asked.

“Miss Roberts….Miss Roberts is really sick. She may only make it another few months. She has brain cancer.” I said as I all but sobbed.

“Oh my god!” One said as they all crowded around us and hugged us tightly.

Miss Roberts never took her hand off of me as they all hugged her. After a while the girls all pulled desks up and crowded around us.

“You all already know that Adam and I aren’t really brother and sister right?” Janine asked.

“Yes we do. We’ve always known that.” Several of them said.

“We know you two are in love with each other Miss Roberts. It’s really obvious.” Another said.

“Yes we are. But you can’t say anything to anyone about it.” I said.

“You can trust us. No one will ever know, we promise you both here and now that we will never say anything.” Another said.

“If anything we are very jealous of you Miss Roberts. Why can’t every guy be like your boyfriend?” Another said.

“I don’t know. I wish they all were like him.” She replied.

“You all have to promise me something” Janine said as she started crying again.

“Anything.” They said.

“I love this guy more than I have ever loved anyone. I never really knew what true love was until he and I got together. I’m not going to be around for very long, so you have to promise me that you will take good care of my man. Watch out for him and just be there for him. Right now he is going to need friends and people there for him. Please help him through all of this.” She said as she cried hard.

“We will. We promise that we will take care of him.” Several of them said at the same time.

After a long period time of us crying and such, we all finally gathered out bearings and started just talking. That’s when we revealed to the girls that we had actually been together for the last year and a half. They were not surprised at all. We all sat there and talked and cried for a while. After that we drove home and I helped her pack her things. It was the most painful two days of my entire life. I had to stay strong and not loose it that entire time. We went to bed and slept in each other’s arms. Then we got up and gathered her stuff. I sat and waited with her for her mom to get there. Once she arrived I helped her load the car and get ready. Once we were done, Janine pulled me into the garage and made sure it was just me and her.

“I am going to miss you.” I said as we both started crying.

“I’m going to miss you too. I love you so much.” She said as I held her tightly.

“Please tell me that I can come and see you.” I said.

“I expect you too. You’re my boyfriend.” She replied.

“Don’t ever change baby. You are a very amazing man.” She said.

“If you make it, I want to start our life together.” I said.

“And we will, I promise you right now, that if I do make it through this, I will be more than happy to share the rest of my life with you.” She said.

“We can get married like we talked about and everything.” I said.

“Yes we can and we will. I would never let you get away. But if I don’t, I want you to live your life. Take however much time you need to grieve and then live your life. Keep being you.” She said.

“I will, I promise you. I will never forget you Janine, I love you.” I said.

She and I kissed for several long minutes. After that, she gave me one of her favorite necklaces to remember her by. After an extremely painful good bye, I watched her leave. I went in her appartment and laid on her couch and didn’t move for at least a day or two. Mom knew what was going on, she knew we were in love with each other. She even promised me that she would help finance our wedding when she made it through her cancer. I didn’t get back to school until Friday. As time went on, mom would fly me to where Janine was, every weekend. I met her family except her sister, she lived with her dad. Her family considered me as their own because of what I did for her. They always met me at the airport and took me to their house where Janine was. By then, they knew that we were in love with each other and surprisingly gave us their blessings. They made sure we had plenty of alone time allowing me to pamper her.

Over time, she started getting worse and worse. Then we were hit with a bomb shell. The chemo wasn’t working. She started getting worse and looked anorexic. I stayed by her side every weekend as she suffered. I was watching her die. You have no clue what it’s like to watch someone you love go through that unless you have been there. Four months later, towards the end of my senior year, I was in school when her mom called me. I was in my math class when I got the call. Several of her cheer leaders were in the same class and watched me turn pale white. I just broke down and walked out of class. I went to the hallway and stood there bawling my eyes out. I tried my hardest to compose myself and went home and called my mom. I told her what her mom told me. There was nothing else the doctors could do anymore. They did everything they could and it just wasn’t working. They said that we needed to start making preparations for her. She only had a week, maybe two left to live, and that they were sending her home.

I cried so hard that I got a massive headache. My first ever, true love was dying, I was going to loose her. Mom got me out on the next flight that evening, and I went out there. Luckily, I had finished all of my credits to graduate and had nothing but electives for the remainder of my senior year. I planned on spending every last second with her. When I got there, her mom was at the airport waiting for me. I broke down again and she held me tight. As we drove to her house, we talked about everything she had gone through. She told me how much she changed after she and I got together. She also told me that Janine confessed to her about us, and how we became what we were. Her mom told me that even though I was only 16 at the time, she was happy as hell that it happened because of the woman she had become.

When we got there it was all about her. I did what I could I do to make her more comfortable. I spent two whole weeks being the man she deserved. I loved her so much that it hurt. She told me thank you repeatedly, and told me how much she loved me. I made sure that I told her that I loved her, hell, I don’t even know how many times. Her mom gave us as much room as she could so we could spend her last moments together. Not as teacher student, not as brother sister, not as friends with benefits, but what were were. A couple. A couple deeply in love with each other. I bathed her, and everything. It was a very bitter sweet time for us. Bitter because she was going to be gone soon, but sweet because I got to be with her during her last moments. We got to be together as a couple, as lovers without having to hide our love for each other.

As the two weeks passed by, way too fast for my liking, she was getting weaker and weaker. We really had no idea how much time we had together before she passed. But, we made the best of what we had. I slept in the same bad as she did every night during my time there. She had hospice care and they did everything they could to make her comfortable. One morning just a little over two weeks later, she was in the worst shape I had ever seen her in. I woke up and she wasn’t breathing right. I started to cry and held onto her as she struggled to breath. She opened her eyes and I heard her whisper my name. I looked into her eyes and she had tears streaming down her cheeks. She gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen as she struggled to press her cold hand on my face. At that moment, I felt the most amazing, most powerful sense of peace wash over me like a very warm blanket. “I love you” she whispered. I couldn’t hold my tears back as I watched her close her eyes and take her last breath. The most amazing woman I had ever known, a woman that I loved died in my arms that day.

It was an extremely hard day for me and her family. We went through the motions and I was in a daze the entire time. We had her wake, and then her funeral. After the funeral her brothers and mom did all they could to help comfort me. They told me straight out that they will never forget what I did for her, and they would never forget me. They told me that I would always be their family and that they would attempt to kick my ass if I didn’t keep in contact with them. I did eventually meet her little sister. She didn’t know me that much but Janine asked me to give her a book. She wanted me to personally give it to her. Which of course I did.

After all of that I went home and mom was amazing to me. She knew how much I loved Miss Roberts. Word had gotten around the school that she had passed and they all planned to hold a memorial service for her. The night I got home, I heard a nock at the door. I was in her Appartment, so I got up and answered the door. Amanda, one of her cheerleaders was standing there.

“Hi, your mom said you were over here, can I come in?” She asked.

“Yeah come in.” I said as I held the door open.

“Are you ok?” She asked.

I broke down again and couldn’t answer. I just nodded my head saying no.

“God I’m so sorry Adam.” She said as she hugged me tightly.

“I miss her.” I whispered through sobs.

“I know. I know how much you loved her Adam. I also know how much she loved you.” She said as she held me tightly.

Before long I had my mom, her girlfriend and every cheerleader that Janine coached, and quiet a few of my buddies from school in the Appartment with me. They were trying really hard to comfort me, and it was working a little. I was still hurting because I had just lost my first love. Later that cop that was her boyfriend for a short time even came over and stayed for a little while. He was now on patrol now and he was on duty that night. Then more and more people came over and soon we had to move to moms house because we ran out of room in Janine’s Appartment. The only people that knew about my relationship with Janine, was her cheer leaders. The rest only knew her as my older sister.

I didn’t go to school for the next week at all. I couldn’t, I was to grief stricken that I didn’t get out of bed, much less move. Everything I heard, smelled and saw reminded me of my Janine. This all reduced me from a man to a boy basically. I had never cried as much, or as hard as I did during all of this. This quite literally changed my life.

I had a choice to make now. Well start with the bad one, which by the way, was extremely tempting. I wanted to get hammered to dull the pain that I was going through. I wanted to drink as much alcohol as I could, and do some drug to dull the pain. Or, I could take this experience and use it for the better. Use it as a learning tools and use what I learned for the benefit of others. I wasn’t sure how, but I’m sure there was a way. And let me tell you, the first option was looking mighty mighty good right now. God bless my mom, she was doing everything, and I mean everything she could to help me. So were all of her cheer leaders and my buddies. My buddies had no clue that Janine and I were lovers, but they knew that her death really, really affected me in a very big way.

One night as I slept, I had a very, very lucid dream. I was sleeping in her bed and god I was sleeping good. In my dream, my Janine came to me, looking as amazing as she did before she got sick. She told me things that really opened my eyes. I hold those things to be very sacred to me, so I will not share what was said in that dream. Let’s just say that, that, was the shot in the ass that I needed. I woke up the next morning and got up. I took a shower and got dressed. It’s now or never, I thought as I got ready. I went over to moms and she was amazed to see me. She made me breakfast and packed a lunch, I then went to school. I was swarmed by everybody. I got so many hugs as I walked through the door. I was still a big baby, but I was stronger now than I had been in several days.

We held her memorial in the big gym that Friday and I was the main speaker. There wasn’t a dry eye in that entire place as we all celebrated my Janine’s life. Her family came down to attend it and everything. When I got home, I walked through the door and my cousin Lizzy was standing there. She looked at me and held her arms out.

“Come here.” She said as she held her arms out.

She held me for several minutes as I cried some more. She spent the next week with me and was amazing. She helped me through it along with Amanda and the other cheerleaders. As time passed, the easier it got for me. It was after that dream I had of her, and all of the support that I had, that I elected to take the second route. Work hard to make the best of it, and use this experience to benefit others. It’s a lot harder than the first idea and it was going to take a lot of work, but it’s what Janine would want me to do, it’s what I wanted to do. It’s what I needed to do in order to heal from this.

From that day on, I put my big boy panties back on, buckled down and started working hard to achieve my goal. As I did the pain slowly diminished and got easier and easier to deal with. I had made a lot of friends before, but now I had many more. They all helped me with everything. Despite the fact that I missed over a month of school, my grades remained the same as they were when Janine and I got together. I worked hard to maintain that. I took Amanda to my senior prom and we had an amazing time. I didn’t date anyone at all through out my senior year. I just wasn’t ready for any of that yet. Amanda was amazing about it, and she understood. She did start dating someone else who happened to be a really good friend of mine. I finally graduated with a really great grade point average and started working part time jobs until I turned 21.

The pain was all gone now and I was happy again. I know that Janine was there with me a lot, helping me and watching over me. It wasn’t all the time, but every time I was trying to make a decision and had difficulty figuring out which path I should take, I would smell her perfume. I would know what to do. Sounds weird and stupid, or even crazy, but I ant deny that. After graduation, I spent slot of time doing ride alongs and studying the hell out of the criminal justice books, and quite a few other books I got from my buddy, the one who dated Janine for a short time. I got a job working as a criminal intake officer at the county jail, just to get that under my belt. I was working towards my goal of getting into law enforcement.

Look, I know what a lot of people say about cops. I know that most every one out there hates them. There are those that do respect and appreciate what they do, but there is the majority that done like them. Honestly, I didn’t give a fuck. All I cared about was getting to my goal of catching and locking up the scum that like to beat women. That was my main goal. I didn’t even date once during that time. Yes I hung out with a lot of girls, mainly my friends from school, but I never dated. I was still not ready for that, but now it was for a completely different reason. I never forgot about Janine, I always thought about her.

I was in constant contact with her mom and her family members except two, her little sister and her dad. From what her mom was saying, I gathered that she was really worried about her younger daughter. She was apparently making choices that weren’t good ones. She dated abusive douche bags and they all had beaten her many times. She had been in and out of the hospital several times from that alone. She had been arrested several times and was just not doing well. The death of her older sister had affected her in a very profound way. After Janine died, she started drinking and doing drugs like crazy. She turned into a completely different person. I know the feeling, I have been there and I know what she was going through. I just wished that she would reach out to me and let me help her. But, that was entirely up to her, not me, not her dad, not her mom or her brothers.

Little did I know. Little did I know that somehow she and I would cross paths in a coincidental encounter. Little did I know that I was going to be the one to pull her out of her sorrow. It was actually going to happen as a chance encounter. I wonder if Janine planned it to happen that way…..

NOT the end…

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