Hugely sorry for the delay guys, but I’ve had my own problems, including owning and losing my own sub…..
anyway, enjoy

Chapter 5

It was the following Tuesday, lunch time at school. The cafeteria was crowded with other kids eating and generally killing time. Friends talking and laughing, making stupid jokes and throwing stuff around. I always marvelled at the sound of crowds, how a hundred different perfectly ordinary conversations could combine to make a continuous din of meaningless noise.

I was standing in line when someone nudged my arm with theirs. I turned, and there stood my sister, with Jessica at her side.

This was weird. I think it had been literally years since I’d spoken to my sister inside a school building. We never had any classes together, and we even though we shared a car, I was always the one to drive it to and from school because she got a ride from Jessica every day. Once we left the house, we acted like strangers. Of course, we’d been acting like strangers at home too, until very recently.

“Hey, little brother.” she said cheerily.

“Uh, hey little sis.” I answered.

This was a running joke between us. Around age ten or so, we figured out that one of us had to be the “older” twin, but our parents had decided not to tell us, so we’d never be able to argue about it, or something. And thanks to a lazy or careless nurse at the hospital we were born in, the “time of birth” on our birth certificates were identical. Since we had no way of knowing, we’d both just decided that we must each be the older one, and had stuck to it.

It was an old term of endearment that we hadn’t used in years, and the fact that it came to me so easily really only served to make this whole thing weirder.

“You should sit with us today.” she said, smiling and confident.

“Um, what? Why?” I said, moving forward with the line.

“Because.” she said simply.

I rolled my eyes at her and she sighed impatiently, as if I was missing something obvious.

“Because you’re my twin brother, but we never even talk to each other at school. It’s ridiculous. Sit with us, come on.” she said.

I added some stuff to my tray, and moved along some more.

“You know, I do have my own friends to sit with.” I said.

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes.

“Yeah right, do you even like any of those guys? You just sit there and barely say two words to them, I’ve seen you.” she said.

There were actually a few different groups of people I sat with, but she was right, I didn’t talk to any of them very much. I’d long suspected most of them wouldn’t notice if I stopped coming into school altogether, but it didn’t bother me. It was enough just to hang out with them, and listen to them talking about whatever was going on with them. It made the meals pass quicker.

I shrugged.

“I’m not big on talking. They’re good company.” I said.

I reached the end of the line and paid for my food, then stepped off to the side while they did the same. I noticed Jessica hadn’t said anything yet. I hadn’t seen her since she’d left, Saturday evening. We hadn’t gotten a chance to talk about what we’d done, the new step we’d taken, but she’d seemed pretty comfortable with it.

It actually made sense that this was happening. The three of us were getting along really well at home, now that Jessica had stopped attacking me every time I walked into a room, but I didn’t know any of their other friends. I hate to use an old cliché, but if there were in fact “popular kids” at that school, it was Rose and Jessica they were sitting with. Not that I could name any of them. I tended to avoid high school drama if I could, it just didn’t interest me.

Rose caught up with me, and I could tell she wasn’t going to drop this.

“Come on, I’m serious.” she said, “You should sit with us. You should meet my other friends, you…” she trailed off.

I looked at Jessica, and I could see how uncomfortable this was making her. She was staring down at the floor, not meeting my eye. There was still the huge, unspoken understanding that Jessica was the reason I hadn’t been sitting with them all along, and that it was only thanks to our new, secret relationship that things had changed.

I looked back at Rose, and I could see the guilt lurking behind her eyes. They wanted to make it up to me for isolating me all those years. At least, Rose did. I actually didn’t know what the hell Jessica wanted, except that she clearly didn’t want to be standing here having this conversation.

As I thought about it, I just decided to go with it. Why the hell shouldn’t I eat lunch with my sister, her best friend who I was secretly fucking, and a bunch of people I didn’t know?

Well, probably a lot of reasons, but I went with it anyway.

“Fine.” I sighed, “Where are we sitting?”

She grinned with victory, and led me over to their usual table. I tried to meet Jessica’s eyes, but she didn’t look at me.

There were only three other people at the circular table, two boys and a girl. Both the guys seemed pretty surprised when they saw me sitting down at the seat Rose guided me towards, sitting opposite the girl, with Rose on my left and one of them on my right. I remembered that the girl’s name was Becky. I recognised her from one of my classes, but I couldn’t remember which. I’d never paid much attention to her, but she was really pretty, with light brown skin, short black hair, and strangely bright amber eyes. Jessica sat in between her and Rose.

Like I said, Becky didn’t look surprised as I sat down, just watched me with a small, almost knowing smile that I found weirdly unnerving.

“Guys, this is my brother.” said Rose as I pulled my chair in. She patted me firmly on the shoulder, as if trying to comfort me.

I introduced myself. The guy to the left of Becky gave a silent nod, and quickly looked down at his food. He had jet black hair, and was quite well built, with wide shoulders and defined muscles on his arms that showed through his t-shirt. I’d seem him around, he was easily 6’4 or 6’5 when standing, but I’d never learned his name.

The guy to my right slid around the table so we were more spread out, then suddenly stuck his hand out to me, waiting for me to shake it. I took it after only a second of hesitation, ignoring how strange and formal it seemed.

“I’m Derek, it’s great to meet you buddy.” he said as he shook my hand.

He was smiling, and seemed to actually mean what he’d said. He had messy blond hair that covered his ears, his fringe swept out of his eyes.

“Yeah, you too.” I replied, smiling back a little.

“I know you.” said Becky.

I turned to her to find that same knowing smile, her eyes narrowed as if she was trying to remember something. Something about her made me nervous.

“Uh, yeah. You’re…Becky, right?” I said. “We have…something, together.”

“Yeeah…” she said slowly. “English, right? Mr. Winters?”

I couldn’t actually remember if that was true, so I just shrugged.

“Well, it’s nice to actually meet you, anyway.” she said.

“Right.” I said, smiling nervously.

She was the first girl I’d really spoken to in a while. Well, unless you count Rose or Jessica. I suddenly remembered the reason I’d never had a girlfriend until very recently. Hot girls made me nervous.

‘Not that I have a girlfriend now’, I thought to myself. I’d made it clear with Jessica that she wasn’t my girlfriend, so why did I just think of her that way? Had to watch out for that.

“Frank.” said the guy to her right without looking up.

He had a deep voice, but spoke quietly. I didn’t know if he was being rude, or if I made him nervous. For some reason it felt like the latter, despite his size. Maybe he just wasn’t good at talking to new people.

“Hey.” I answered.

I turned to Rose to see her beaming at me. I rolled my eyes again, and she quickly struck up a conversation with Becky.

I sat mostly in silence, eating slowly and letting the conversation wash over me without contributing, like I usually did. Derek, Rose, and Becky talked quickly and comfortably with each other, with Frank chipping in every now and again.

Frank’s calm demeanour didn’t change much, so it was hard to say if he was always like this, or if he was like this because I was here. It felt like he was deliberately avoiding looking at me, but that could have been just because I wasn’t talking.
Derek was pretty funny, I found myself laughing or smiling along with most of the jokes he made. He seemed like a warm, friendly person, although he got a little loud sometimes. Becky seemed a little serious, but she had a real sarcastic streak too.

I slowly realised that I was probably the least attractive person at the table. I didn’t really think they were shallow or anything, but it just became apparent to me that Becky, Derek, and Frank were all just attractive people, objectively. Rose and Jessica too, but I already knew that.

What really interested me was Jessica. She hadn’t said a word since we sat down and seemed even colder than Frank, barely smiling or laughing at anything. Maybe actually sitting with me and her other friends at the same time reminded her of all the stuff we did together, and it freaked her out. The weird thing was that no one seemed to notice, no one asked her any questions or tried to include her, not even Rose.

But it wasn’t long before Rose tried to get me to respond. They were talking about some report they had due in for History. I didn’t share that class with any of them, but all the classes had to do it, with the deadline being Friday.

“Did you get it done yet?” Rose asked Becky.

Becky shook her head, taking a drink of coke.

“It doesn’t seem that hard though, I’ll probably get most of it done tonight.” she said.

“Yeah it’s pretty easy.” said Derek, “It’s meant to be, what like 1,500 words? I only did like a thousand, but it’s probably fine.”

Becky shrugged. “Yeah probably.” she said.

“What about you,” said Rose, turning to me, “Have you started it yet?”

I immediately felt nervous again, having to talk, but I mentally shook myself. It was just a conversation.

“Well, it’s due in Friday. I’ve got like three whole days, why wouldn’t I wait until the very last minute?” I joked.

Becky and Rose laughed.

“Ha ha yeah, fuck it.” said Rose.

“Seriously though,” I said, feeling confident from the laugh I got, “There are just so many more interesting things I could be doing. And everything’s so much more fun when you’re ignoring boring shit you have to do.”

Everyone laughed at that, and out of the corner of my eye I even saw Jessica smile.

I said it jokingly, but that was actually how I felt about most things. There was always so many interesting and fun things to do, books to read, movies to watch, not even to mention all the time I spent on the internet. Pretty much every piece of homework I had to do, or test I had to study for, was done the night before, if not the morning of its deadline. Probably why my grades were so overwhelmingly average.

“Procrastination is one of life’s greatest little pleasures.” said Becky sagely, smiling at me.

I smiled back, and the conversation moved on.

I didn’t talk much after that, but I was surprised to find I’d enjoyed myself. When we went to get ready for class, everyone said goodbye, and Derek stressed again how “really great” it was to meet me, the same warm smile on his face.

Later, Rose caught up with me at my locker.

“See, wasn’t that fun?” she said.

“It was Ok. Your friends seem cool.” I said casually.

“Good. That wasn’t even all of them, Lissie had some dumb club thing to do today. You’ll probably like her.” she said.

“You have a friend called Lissie? Is that even a name?” I joked.

“Alyssa. Lissie. You’ll like her.” she said.

“Oh, and when would I ever meet her?” I said.

“Well obviously you’re sitting with us tomorrow too.” she said smiling, walking away.

I’d had fun, but I didn’t know if I really wanted to be spending all this time with Rose and Jessica. If we started meeting at lunch, and after school, and on the weekends, then I’d pretty much have no time to myself. I’d already been spending less time alone, and as weird as it sounds, it made me a little uncomfortable.

I used to spend all my time alone because I had to, but over the years I’d really come to enjoy my solitude, my privacy. I wasn’t really sure if I was ready to give that up.

==

The next day, they met me at the line in the cafeteria again. Rose had an expression that let me know she wasn’t going to give up on this, and again, Jessica looked like she didn’t really care. I hadn’t spoken to either of them since the day before.

When we got to their table, Derek and Becky were already there, as well as a girl I vaguely recognised. It was probably strange not to know the name of everyone other senior by now, but I’d spent so little time outside my own small social groups that I didn’t even really have to try to avoid gossip. The groups I hung out with were usually more interested in their own niche hobbies than their classmates.

“Oh hey man, what’s up?” Derek said, as soon as I sat.

Becky was reading a book, and didn’t look up to greet me. I looked at the other girl. She was very beautiful, I noticed right away. There really was a pattern here. She had sharp, well defined cheek bones and dark hair that fell past her shoulders, and very fair skin. Her eyes must have been brown, but they were so dark they seemed almost black.

“So you’re Rose’s little brother?” she said, giving me an almost stern, appraising look.

“Kinda.” I said nervously.

“What do you mean ‘kinda’? Do you not know if you’re her brother?” she said, her voice sarcastic and almost accusing.

I felt a swell of nervousness rise up at her aggressive tone, but I met her eye. I was determined not to act as awkward as I’d felt yesterday. Besides, the way she was looking at me was nothing compared to how Jessica had been treating me for years.

“I mean we don’t actually know who’s older.” I explained, trying to sound confident, “As far as I’m concerned, I’m her big brother.”

She raised her eyebrows slightly, before turning to Rose.

“You said he was younger than you by like, a few minutes.” she said almost angrily, her voice still firm.

Rose just shrugged, smiling. The other girl’s almost hostile manner didn’t seem to bother anyone else. Derek was just watching with what seemed to be a permanent half-smile, and Becky still didn’t look up.

“He is younger.” Rose said eventually, her voice full of humour, “He just won’t admit it.”

They looked at me simultaneously. It was my turn to shrug.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” I said lightly. “My little sister’s delusional.”

There was a half-beat of silence before the girl’s cold, stern expression melted into a light, sincere laugh. I smiled, feeling a little rush of confidence that I wasn’t used to. I didn’t often make people laugh, but I seemed to be pretty good at it.

“I’m Lissie.” she said, her laugh fading.

I felt strangely like I’d passed some sort of test.

Again, once I’d gotten my introduction out of the way, I stayed pretty much silent, letting the others talk, and content just to react occasionally. I noticed Frank wasn’t here, but I didn’t question it. Jessica still hadn’t said a word to anyone, and again no one thought this was strange.

After a while, Becky flipped her book closed, and looked right up into my eyes.

“When did you get here?” she asked, genuinely puzzled.

I shrugged, mind racing to think of something vaguely witty to say.

“I’ve been here the whole time.” I said, raising one eyebrow.

“What?” she asked, her brow wrinkling in confusion.

Derek quickly picked up on my joke, and added to it.

“Becky, he was sitting there when you got here.” he said seriously, as if Becky was missing something obvious.

“Really?” she asked, even more confused, “Shit, I didn’t even notice.”

I couldn’t help but smile, and Derek suddenly gave a short, loud laugh. She rolled her eyes as she realised we were messing with her.

“Oh, whatever.” she said, a little embarrassed.

Rose and Lissie hadn’t noticed this exchange, and Derek and Becky joined right in with their conversation. It was such a small thing, just a simple joke, a little moment of bonding, but it made me feel stupidly good. It had been a while since I’d had an actual, casual conversation with someone who wasn’t related to me, or…whatever the fuck Jessica was to me. No long, complicated history or always quietly worrying about hidden meanings or ignoring old guilt. Just light, simple conversation.

As the other four talked to each other, Jessica met my eye, and again she was smiling. She seemed embarrassed that I’d noticed her looking at me, and quickly looked down at the table. She was acting so strangely.

Lunch passed without much more happening. I still didn’t feel exactly comfortable with this group, but I was definitely a lot less nervous. If Rose was really insistent on this, then I thought it would be Ok to keep going along with it.

But it slowly became apparent that I just didn’t have much to talk to them about. Most of their conversation revolved around other seniors who’s names I only vaguely recognised, or TV I didn’t watch, or parties I hadn’t been to. It made me a little uncomfortable at first, but I figured I could get used to it.

==

The next day, Rose didn’t feel the need to march me towards her table personally, but she waved me over when she saw me looking from the line.

It was just Rose and Derek at that point, but it was only a few minutes before Frank, Becky, Lissie and Jessica had all joined. Again, I didn’t talk much, just sometimes laughing or making little jokes.

Unless the conversation steered towards a teacher I had, or homework I hadn’t done yet (which was pretty much all of it), I still didn’t really have anything to say. But no one pressured me to talk, or mocked me when I didn’t understand a reference. This surprised me at first, until I realised that the only reason I expected it was because of how Jessica had treated me. She’d skewed my perception of social interaction, making it seem so much harsher and more judgemental than it usually was. I smiled when I thought this. I was still figuring out ways that she affected my life.

However, that day, Jessica did finally speak, but not to anyone at the table.

My eyes widened when I saw him approach, at least 6’3 and walking with a confident swagger.

Mike. Jessica’s ex.

There were two other guys with him, but they didn’t seem too interested in what was going on, and were mostly looking around, bored, or talking to each other.

There was a slight break in the conversation as each member of the group noticed him, until Jessica turned to see what we were looking at. Her eyes narrowed as he stepped up to her.

“Hey guys.” he said, looking around the table.

There were a few non-committal grunts of greeting, but they were mostly silent. My heart had suddenly started pounding in my chest. I didn’t really know this guy. What had Jessica told him when she broke it off with him? Did she mention that there was someone else? Did he know that I was the reason he’d been dumped?

“Jessica, baby!” he said, as if surprised to see her, “How’ve you been?”

He said it lightly, but it felt like there was a shadow of anger behind his voice.

“What the fuck do you want, Mike?” she said.

Her voice was strong and unwavering, though not exactly hostile. Mike seemed a little taken aback at her response.

“Aw don’t be like that. What happened between us, baby? You used to be so sweet to me.” he said mockingly.

“Mike, just get the fuck out of here.” she said. “I dumped you more than a month ago. This is just sad.”

I glanced around the table, but no one seemed to really notice what was happening. Rose looked bored and was staring at her phone, occasionally smiling as she read her messages. Becky was reading, and Lissie was toying lazily with her food. Frank and Derek were both eating quietly. There was complete silence, and it was impossible for them not to have noticed what was happening, but none of them reacted. Did they really care so little for Jessica’s problems?

I looked back up to see Mike staring back at me.

“I don’t recognise this one.” he said, looking me over, “Is this the little faggot you’re with now?”

Jessica hesitated for a second.

“You really think you can handle a hot bitch like her?” he sneered at me, arrogance clear in his voice.

“Hey, asshole, I’m over here.” said Jessica loudly, pointing to her eyes.

He turned back to her, ignoring me.

“Actually Mike, there isn’t anyone else. At all. Just let that sink in for a minute.” she said, her tone venomous. “I would literally rather be completely alone than spend even a second more with you.”

His eyes widened with anger, but he didn’t have a reply. I’d been in that exact situation a hundred times before, and I didn’t envy him. His friends were paying attention now, but seemed amused that he’d been rendered speechless.

“Why are you still standing there like a slack-jawed moron?” Jessica asked, as if genuinely confused. “Fuck. Off.”

Mike gave one last furious look around the table, but I was still the only one looking at him. He glared at me for a few seconds before he turned and walked away.

I tried to force myself to relax as he left. Looking around, I realised no one else at any surrounding tables had even noticed the exchange. They’d been talking at a normal volume, but for some reason it had felt like they were shouting at each other. Two strong wills rising up and locking horns. Why did I feel so threatened, so afraid of their exchange? I guess I liked the idea of being superior to Mike, but seeing him in person had really put me on edge.

Jessica watched him leave, then turned to me and shot me an almost apologetic look before looking away again. The silence stretched.

“What day is it?” said Becky suddenly.

“Thursday.” answered Rose in a monotone, without looking up.

“Shit! That History thing is for tomorrow, isn’t it?”she asked me, looking panicked.

“Uh, yeah.” I said.

“Fuck! I was going to go out tonight!” she moaned.

“Oh yeah, with who? Or did you forget to ask for his name?” asked Lissie, smiling.

“Shut up, you bitch.” Becky moaned, slumping down in her chair.

The conversation quickly moved on, Derek and Rose joining in. I was so confused by what had happened. Had I just imagined that entire exchange between Jessica and Mike? Was it not worthy of some small comment? Everyone seemed just as relaxed as they had before, and the only difference I noticed was Rose shooting Jessica a small, reassuring smile, which was returned.

Pretty soon lunch ended, and we all headed out to our lockers. Becky stopped by mine as she passed.

“So did you get that report done?” she asked, sighing.

“No.” I answered, “But then I was always planning to do it tonight anyway.”

“Oh yeah.” she said, laughing. “Well, later.”

She turned to leave.

“Wait.” I said quickly. “What was up with Jessica and Mike today?”

“Oh right, I guess you don’t know what happened between them?” she asked, smiling.

“Well, I know a little bit. I mean, I know she broke up with him a while ago, but just…I don’t know, wasn’t it weird how…hostile they were being?” I asked.

She looked confused.

“Not really.” she said, as if it was obvious, “I mean, haven’t you known Jessica for like, years? She’s always like that. Or she’s just quiet.”

“Well, I know she was always like that when we were younger, but…I don’t know, it just seems weird. And why didn’t anyone even mention what happened?” I asked.

She shrugged.

“Because it happens.” she said, “Seriously, all of Jessica’s conversation is like…forty percent silence, forty percent being a bitch, and like…” she trailed off.

“Twenty?” I prompted, smiling.

“Shut up.” she said, returning my smile, “Twenty percent being, like, normal. We didn’t say anything about it because we’re used to it. It’s not usually Mike, but sometimes just some guy who won’t stop asking her out, or some girl that hates her, or even one us. She’s cool and all, but she’s just kind of a bitch. You just get used to it.”

She shrugged again.

I wasn’t really surprised by this news. I’d learned a while ago that her apparent hatred of me growing up wasn’t special, but rather just how she acted around everyone who she wasn’t very close with.

“How did you not know this already?” Becky asked.

“I kind of did…” I said, “I guess I just assumed she’d be different around her friends.”

She shrugged again. She did that a lot. Her eyes flashed with sudden challenge as she looked at me again.

“Wait, do you know why they broke up?” she asked.

“Do you not?” I asked.

“No! She just keeps saying that she got tired of him, but we all think it’s something else. Rose said something last Thursday at the party at Josh’s, after she’d had a few drinks. They’re both being really secretive about it all though.” she said.

I hadn’t been aware of Rose or Jessica going to any parties, I didn’t even know who “Josh” was. As I thought about it, I remembered that Rose did actually spend most Thursdays out late. Our parents didn’t mind. We didn’t even have a curfew, but if we stayed out too late and couldn’t get up for school, they wouldn’t cover for us or write us any notes or anything, it was on us.

They occasionally gave us little lectures about responsibility and their expectations of us, and stuff like that. But the most important thing to them had always been developing our independence. Our lack of curfew never mattered to me, and I guess Rose never got home at a crazy late hour so it hadn’t been an issue.

I hadn’t realised she’d been drinking though.

“So?” Becky said eventually, pulling me from my thoughts.

“So…what?” I said.

“So, why did they really break up?” she asked, excited.

I didn’t know why they’d decided to keep the information of Mike’s…shortcomings…to themselves, but it wasn’t really my place to say, even if I didn’t like the guy.

“Oh, she just got sick of him being an asshole. I thought that was obvious.” I said.

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously.

“You know something.” she accused.

I raised one eyebrow.

“But,” she said lightly, “We’re going to be late for class, probably. Later.”

She gave a little wave, and walked away. It was strange to think there was more to Jessica’s social life than I’d learned about before. And I hadn’t realised that Mike was still a factor in her life at all. Going along with my sister’s plans was already starting to yield some benefits.

==

The next day I sat with them again. The mood was normal, and I noted that I was already comfortable enough to notice what “normal” was for this group. Lissie and Becky exchanged some somewhat catty and sarcastic remarks, Frank didn’t talk much, occasionally making some small comment, Derek was cheerful and funny, and Rose was…well, Rose.

Out of the three of us; Rose, Jessica, and I, she seemed to be the only one that acted the same no matter who she was with. She was pretty much the same when we were alone as she was when Jessica was with us, and it was the same at school. It was cool to notice that. She was just comfortable being herself wherever she was.

I’d stayed up until 3 am the night before rushing through the History report, and we all discussed what we’d put in and what we hadn’t. Jessica actually contributed a little to this part of the conversation too, which again, no one but me thought was strange. It seemed that no matter what point any of us made, Jessica claimed to have made some reference to it in her work. She then brought up some points that none of us had discussed yet, or thought about. And then she told us that she’d handed it in a week ago, which was met with eye rolls and sighs, which she didn’t even react to.

I knew Jessica got good grades, but I didn’t know how hard she actually worked at it. School work and relationships had never come up when it was just the three of us, and I felt myself smile as I thought about this. I kept learning new little things about her, each one adding to the image I had of her, which I realised was actually quite shallow. I knew deep, personal things about her that not even her best friend knew, but I didn’t know simple things like which subjects at school she liked, or what kind of food she enjoyed.
For some reason it still made me uncomfortable to think about her like this. I pushed the idea out of my head, and ignored it. This was something I was usually pretty good at, just ignoring thoughts that bothered me. It was probably something that stemmed from a life spent in procrastination, all that practice ignoring the work I still had to do.

Hell, two weeks ago I’d managed to forget about Jessica coming to my room altogether, just because it was too uncomfortable to think about. I shook my head slightly as I realised my thoughts were heading down that same path again. I didn’t need to think about that kind of stuff, about what she meant to me. As long as she kept coming to my room, I’d be able to enjoy myself. Smiling, I thought about what I had planned for her that night.

==

Jessica came to the house around 7 pm, again earlier than she used to. She was completely different from how she was at school, and a lot more like she’d been around me these last few weekends, comfortable and fun. The change in her was pretty startling.

No one mentioned Mike’s little visit on Thursday, and I certainly wasn’t going to bring it up. However Rose did have something interesting to say after we’d been talking for a few hours.

“So what do you think about Becky?” she asked.

I shrugged, then smiled as I remembered Becky’s own habit of doing that.

“She seems cool.” I said.

“Do you think you’d want to go out with her?” she asked bluntly.

“What?” Jessica and I said, in unison.

I glanced at Jessica. She didn’t look too happy.

“She was asking about you.” Rose said, “I mean, she didn’t really say anything but…”

She trailed off.

“I think she’s interested in you, a little.” she finished with a smirk.

I really didn’t know how to react to this. I decided casual sarcasm would be the best option.

“So…what, she asks some questions about me, and you suddenly think we should get married?” I asked.

Rose rolled her eyes, and Jessica just sat there. She didn’t meet my eye, but she seemed to have a certain tension around her, she was holding herself just a little too stiff, trying not to show a reaction.

“I’m just saying.” Rose continued, “You’re not with anyone, and she isn’t either…not right now, anyway. I’m not saying you should just walk up and ask her out, but if you play your cards right…I don’t know. I think she might actually agree to go out with you.”

She said this with a strange kind of optimism, almost as if she were explaining that if I buy enough lottery tickets, I might actually win. Before this thing with Jessica, I probably would have jumped at even this chance for a relationship with a girl as hot as Becky, but now…

“Oh, do you want her number?” Rose asked, as if the thought just occurred to her, “You can call and make up some reason, just, you know, be cool about it and-“

“No thanks.” I said sharply, cutting her off.

She looked confused, and I saw Jessica visibly relax next to her.

“Come on,” Rose said, as if trying to comfort me, “You don’t have to be nervous about it. If you like her…I mean, there’s no reason she wouldn’t want to go out with you. You know, if she gets to know you a little better.”

I actually smiled as I felt the anger rise up in me a little. This had gone from “What do you think of Becky?” to “I’m sure she wouldn’t be completely repulsed by you.” in the space of three sentences.

“I don’t-” I started, but I stopped quickly. There was a little too much anger in my voice.

I knew that she was probably trying to look out for me, in a weird way. She’d left me pretty much alone for so many years, now that she finally saw an opportunity for us to be close again, she was jumping on it, trying to get me close to her friends, too. Or maybe she just pitied me, and thought if I had some real friends, and could convince some poor girl to date me, that I’d be happier.

It didn’t really matter what she wanted. I didn’t want to sidle up to someone in the desperate hope they’d agree to be seen with me. I knew, even then, that it was mostly just my own anger and insecurities that were guiding me, but I made up my mind pretty quickly. Plus I had Jessica. She wasn’t my girlfriend, but we had sex, and wasn’t that the whole point? I found myself actually considering the idea of a real, public girlfriend, with no domination and control. Would it be so terrible?

In any case, it was time to put this idea on ice for a while.

“I’m good, thanks.” I said, forcing a smile, “I mean, I hardly know her. Maybe after I hang out with you guys for a little longer…” I shrugged and looked away, acting shy.

Rose smiled, and seemed to be satisfied with my answer. Jessica finally met my eye, but I really had no idea what she was thinking.

The conversation moved on, and I soon forgot about it. I was more interested in the plans I had for Jessica. I excused myself around 11 pm, eager for Jessica to visit me.

==

She knocked on my door just after 1 am. I’d started reading to pass the time, one of my favourite books.

“Come in.” I said.

I was actually kind of annoyed to see her. It was coming up to the climax of the story, and despite looking forward to tonight I didn’t want to stop reading just yet. I smiled, realising that I didn’t have to stop for her. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to with her, wasn’t that the point?

I looked over at her, standing by the door, waiting. She was wearing a pink bra with a white floral pattern, and matching panties. I didn’t know a lot about women’s underwear, but they looked expensive. I watched her for a while, taking in the small details of her beautiful body. Her toenails were painted the exact same shade of pink as her underwear. I loved how much effort she’d been going to just to look sexy for me.

I finally met her eyes. She was staring back at me, waiting for some sort of reaction.

“Are those new?” I asked.

She nodded quickly, waiting for approval.

“They look good.” I said, letting my gaze move down her body again.

She smiled that shy smile.

“Thanks.” she said.

I turned back to my book.

“Take them off. Get on your knees.” I said simply.

She hesitated for a few seconds before I heard her move to obey me. I focused on the book in front of me, continuing from where I’d been interrupted. The pages I wanted to read should have taken me only a few minutes; I spent a lot of free time reading, so I was pretty fast, but I took my time with it. I felt a little glow of satisfaction at being able to make her wait like this. Such a small thing, but such an obvious expression of the power I held over her. It was so hard not to look at her, to see her reaction.

After maybe 10 minutes, I finished the chapter and put the book down. When I finally turned to look at her, she was gazing back at me, watching me. She was on her knees, naked, and slouched over. I expected her to be impatient and anxious, but she seemed calm, content to just kneel.

“Sit up straight.” I said.

She moved quickly to fix her posture, her expression never changing. I watched her for another few seconds.

“Come here.” I said.

She moved to stand, and on an impulse I blurted out,

“No.”

She looked up at me again, and without hesitation leaned forward into a crawl. She crawled over to her usual place, and sat up on her knees again.

“Good girl.” I said.

I sat up and shifted down the bed, before standing beside her. I quickly pulled off my t-shirt and pants, but I kept my boxers on. I sat on the edge of the bed and rested my hand on her head. Without being asked, she moved in between my legs, eyes dancing between my face and crotch.

It occurred to me that she’d still barely talked.

“Why so quiet, tonight?” I asked.

She looked confused.

“You…you said I can’t talk unless I-” she said.

“Oh that!” I said lightly, cutting her off, “Don’t worry about that. I’ll tell you when I want you to shut up.”

She nodded again, and relief spread across her face.

“Ok. Thank you.” she said.

I smiled and ran my fingers through her hair. I loved how she thanked me for things like this, and that she sounded so sincere.

“I really liked hanging out with you this week.” she said quickly, as if afraid I was about to stop her from talking. “At school, I mean. It was Rose’s idea, but I was kinda hoping it would happen.”

“You didn’t seem too happy about it.” I said.

She smiled nervously.

“Yeah, well, it was nice just…sitting with you. I mean…I’m not “big on talking” either, at least not around those guys. ” she said.

I suppressed a smile at hearing her repeat my offhand comment from days ago. She really paid attention.

“They’re your friends, aren’t they?” I asked.

She shrugged, causing her firm, heavy boobs to jiggle the slightest bit.

“I guess they’re more…Rose’s friends, you know? I don’t really get along with…well, anyone…” she said, smiling and forcing a laugh. She really seemed self-conscious about this whole thing. I’d never thought of her as anything other than popular before, it was so strange to consider that she might not really have any friends except Rose.

I decided to change the topic, we could discuss the intricacies of our blossoming group dynamics when she wasn’t naked, and I wasn’t half-hard.

“Well you’re not here to talk about lunch, are you?” I said.

She smiled and shook her head, eager to drop the subject.

“What are you here for?” I asked, gently taking her by the chin.

“I’m…I’m here to be with you.” she said.

“Just to be with me?” I asked mockingly, “Is that all you want?”

She swallowed. It was always like this at first. So slow to accept my prompting, her sentences filled with hesitation and pauses.

“Tell me what you want, Jessica.” I said firmly.

She smiled suddenly, and relief washed across her face. She was familiar with this command already.

“I want to suck your cock.” she said, smiling.

I grabbed her roughly by the hair, and twisted. She closed her eyes tight and let out that breathy moan that I knew expressed a mixture of pain and lust.

“You know what you have to do.” I said.

She opened her eyes, and they locked right on to mine.

“Please.” she said, her voice solid and sure, “Please let me suck your cock.”

I pulled harder, and she squealed and twisted underneath my hand. I really liked pulling her hair. It seemed so weird the first time I’d done it, just impulsively wanting to hurt her, but now it felt so right. Like holding her by the jaw, or making her wait before I would even talk to her; it was just another little sign of my power over her.

She completely accepted the pain I gave her, and had long since stopped trying to struggle or free herself.

“Please.” she choked out, her voice becoming soft with emotion, “Please let me suck your cock. I want to swallow your cum, and…and feel you in my throat. Please…please…”

I released her, and stroked her softly across the head, fixing down the hair I’d just abused.

“Good girl.” I said.

I moved back on the bed, and rested on my knees, and Jessica wasted no time in climbing on with me. She straddled my legs and slid her fingers under the waistband of my boxers, then stopped. She met my eye, unsure if she was allowed to continue. I smiled, and nodded.

She seemed to relax as she slid my underwear down to my thigh, releasing my semi-erect cock. She let out a little moan of excitement and quickly wrapped both hands around it, her fingers gently squeezing. She pushed the tip to her lips, lightly kissing it, before taking it into her mouth and slowly moving her tongue around it. She pushed in harder with her fingers as I got harder, and she licked faster, around and around.

Soon I was rock hard, and she backed up to look at it. She devoured every inch with her eyes, and I felt myself smile again as I watched her fascination with my cock. She met my eye and returned my smile, self-consciously. It was strange to see her still acting shy, considering what we’d done, and what she was doing. She licked her lips and turned her attention back to my swollen dick.

After just staring for a few seconds, she gently pushed her tongue to the base of the shaft, right where it met my scrotum, and began to slowly lick upwards. I let out a small sigh of pleasure, and when she reached the top she opened her mouth to take me in again.

“Stop.” I said.

She looked up at me quickly, a look of panic flashing across her face.

“Don’t put in inside, just yet.” I said. “Just use your tongue, and lips.”

She smiled, relieved that I wasn’t going to scold her. She pulled my cock towards her lips with both hands, and began to plant soft, light kisses along the shaft, from top to bottom. I loved it when she did this. It was something I’d never told her to do, and physically it didn’t feel all that great, but there was something so fucking erotic about seeing her kiss my dick, like she really loved it. Like she was worshipping it.

After a few minutes of small kisses and licks, she wrapped her hands around the base again, and slowly licked around head.

“Stop.” I said again.

She looked up quickly, confused.

“Don’t use your hands.” I said.

She didn’t smile this time, but nodded quickly. She put her hands on my legs, leaving my cock pointing straight out from my body, and started to lick the shaft again. She was having trouble with this new command, it looked like. She had to completely move her body and head in order to get give me the same amount of sensation as before. After only half a minute, she reached out and took hold of the base again, pressing the head against her tongue.

I grabbed her by the hair and pulled hard. Her hands jumped to her sides immediately as she realised what she’d done.

“Fuck, I’m sorry!” she squealed.

I gripped her chin hard with my other hand and held her there. I watched her, savouring her terrified expression. I pulled her hair harder for a few seconds before releasing her.

“Don’t use your hands.” I repeated.

She nodded, smoothing down her hair where I’d pulled it, and leaned back to my cock. She moved less confidently now, as if afraid to make a mistake. I lay back and closed my eyes, letting her pleasure me. She slowly began again, licking and sometimes kissing all around the shaft and head.

I soon found myself clenching my jaw in frustration. It felt good, but I needed more stimulation. I knew that I was essentially teasing myself as well as her, and I didn’t know how much more of these gentle sensations I could put up with. I remembered my orgasm from the previous week, and how it felt so much better because I’d delayed it.

I held on for minutes, constantly resisting the urge to grab her head and fuck her hot little throat. Just as I thought my will was about to break, I felt the incredible relief of her warm, wet lips spreading over the head of my cock as she took me into her mouth. She gripped the base tight with her fingers, and started to bounce her head lower and lower down my shaft.

I grunted with pleasure and pushed my cock deeper into her mouth before I realised she’d disobeyed me. I sat up and grabbed her hair with my left hand, pulling her off my cock. She let out a whine of confusion and disappointment, but quickly sat up at my guidance. Her lips were covered with spit. I looked into her eyes and saw that she had already started to get that dazed look that submission gave her.

My body pulsed with anger, both at myself and at her, and without thinking I struck out at her, slapping her hard across her right cheek. Her head jerked to the side with the force and there was a moment of intense silence before she turned back to me. I actually didn’t connect with her all that well but it definitely stung, and it shocked her.

She was paying attention now. Her eyes were wide, and I could see tears brewing.

I released her and quickly leaned back. I hadn’t planned to hit her like that. I’d lost my temper. I took a few seconds to calm myself, before pulling my boxers up and getting off the bed.

“I’m sorry, I just-” she started, her voice shaking.

“Shut up.” I said, cutting her off.

I walked towards the closet on the opposite end of the room from the door.

“I just-” she continued.

I looked sharply back at her, and she quickly brought a hand up to cover her own mouth, realising that I’d given her a command.

I slid one of the closet doors open. I saw it just where I’d left it, a black leather belt hanging from the rail. I quickly undid it and walked back to the bed. Her eyes widened as she saw what I was holding, and her hand had moved to rest on her face where I’d hit her.

“Bend over.” I said.

She didn’t hesitate for a second, just turned and pushed her face into the mattress.

“I told you not to use your hands.” I said, forcing myself to sound calm. “I told you not to put it in your mouth.”

I sat behind her on the bed. I felt the weight of the belt in my hands, and it suddenly struck me what she thought was going to happen. I looked down at the length of thick, heavy leather. I wasn’t going to hit her with it. That thought hadn’t even occurred to me. But I imagined it then, the damage it could do, the sounds she would make. Hard leather meeting soft flesh. What would that sound like? What would it feel like?

I wasn’t going to hit her with it. It would be…agony, for her. I couldn’t do that to her.

At least…not yet.

I took a deep, steady breath, and forced myself away from these darker thoughts.

“Put your hands behind your back.” I said roughly.

She quickly threw her arms back, and I used my free hand to guide them into the position I wanted, folded behind her back, one on top of the other. I quickly wrapped the belt twice around her arms, binding them together.

Trying to steady myself, I threaded the end through the buckle, and pulled hard. My hands were once again shaking with excitement, and I fumbled with it for a few seconds before I could begin to fasten it. I’d chosen this belt for a reason. It didn’t fasten with holes, like most belts, but instead had small clamp that could click shut at any length, making it perfect for this. It was a strange design choice that I’d never seen before, and I didn’t use this belt because it felt strange to fasten around my waist, but it popped into my head as soon as I got the idea to tie her up.

I pulled the belt until it seemed to push into her arms.

“Can you get out of this?” I asked.

She struggled for a few seconds, and managed to slide her arms free. I guided her into the same position, and tightened the belt until it was biting hard into her flesh. She gasped, but I ignored her.

“How about now?” I asked.

She wriggled and struggled for a few seconds, but it was clear that it was too tight for her to move.

“Good.” I said, clicking the clasp shut.

This would ensure she couldn’t use her hands any more, but I still had to punish her.

I reached forward and grabbed her hair, pulling hard.

“I want you to count to…” I paused, letting her wonder. “Five.”

She let out a little groan, just as I brought my hand to her ass in a hard slap. She gasped with pain, but didn’t wait more than a few seconds before squealing out.

“One!”

I spanked her again, and again she wasted no time in counting. She counted out quickly, much faster than she had before, waiting no more than a few seconds after each stinging slap. I hit her hard and fast, and too soon she whimpered out,

“Ff…five.”

I had to stop myself from spanking her again, my hand was already in the air. I realised I’d been pulling on her hair the whole time too.

I literally shook my head, trying to get a hold on the situation. I’d been so looking forward to tying her up like this, but in my eagerness I’d rushed through it. I sat back on the bed and tried to get my breath back.
I rested for a minute or two, watching Jessica bravely hold the position I’d put her in. I slowly got to my knees and pulled her up by the shoulders, knowing it would be difficult for her to raise herself without her arms to help.

I pulled her into a kneeling position and held her by the chin. I looked down her body before meeting her eyes, revelling in how she was shaking. Her legs were apart, and I reached down and slid my finger across her pussy lips, finding them dripping wet. At long last, I looked into her eyes.

She had an expression so intense, so beautiful, that my breath caught in my throat. She looked so pleading, so sorrowful, and so incredibly lustful. I tightened my fingers around her jaw. I noticed the pink mark I’d left on her face had already started to fade, and I knew it wouldn’t bruise.

“Now, are you going to be good? Or do you want to leave?” I asked.

I was threatening her with kicking her out, but I also had to make sure she still wanted to stay. This whole thing was meaningless if she didn’t have the choice. It had always been that way. After my initial plan to reveal myself to her in the bathroom, she’d started every single meeting between us by coming over here.

When things had gotten more intense last week, she’d come back for more. I didn’t need to make admit that she liked it, but I loved hearing it.

She stared at me with that incredible expression.

“I’ll be good.” she whispered.

Again, I felt my breath catch. Everything about what was happening was driving me insane. She was so beautiful, so sexy, and so perfectly submissive. And now she had been tied up and abused, and still all she wanted was to be good.

“You’ll be a good little slut for me?” I asked.

She nodded quickly, expression serious.

“Say it.”

She hesitated for only a second.

“I’ll…I’ll be a good little…slut…for you.” she said.

“Good girl.” I said.

I slid my finger back across her pussy again, and kissed her forehead. She let out a breathy moan. I lay back down on the bed and pulled my still erect cock out of my boxers. I needed to cum soon, all this waiting was driving me insane. But I wanted to tease her more.

“Don’t put it in your mouth.” I said.

She nodded, and slowly tried to move into the right position. She forgot about not having her arms to support her and she fell forward, her head colliding gently with my thigh. I sighed impatiently as she tried to move her legs back to give her enough leverage to lift her head.

She managed to sit up again. She pushed one leg back, and one forward, making her stable enough to lower her head without falling. She looked incredibly focused. Her humiliation at being tied up, the pain of being spanked, none of it seemed to matter. All she cared about was getting back to pleasuring me. She started again at the very base of my shaft, and licked up, incredibly slowly, to the top.

I lay back and closed my eyes. Her soft tongue once again explored every inch of my fat cock, long, slow licks from base to tip mixed with small, teasing touches around the head. I stood as much of this torture as I could, counting every passing minute, just hoping she’d take me into her mouth again.

I finally opened my eyes. If I didn’t get more stimulation soon, I was going to go insane.

Jessica continued to lick me as I watched her. Her eyes were glazed and her mouth was covered with spit. I reached out with both hands and wrapped my fingers in her hair. She looked up at me, but didn’t stop licking. I slowly pulled her forward, and her eyes lit up. She opened her mouth wide, and I pushed the tip of my cock into her mouth. I could feel her hesitation. I hadn’t given her permission yet.

“That’s it…” I said, my voice coming out in a rough moan, “Put it in, Jessica. Suck me.”

I’d barely finished the sentence when her whole body jumped forward, and she immediately sucked my cock into her mouth, her lips stopping about a quarter of the way down the shaft. I let out a soft grunt as I finally got the sensation I’d been craving. In just a few seconds, she took a sharp breath through her nose and slowly swallowed my cock to the base. The sense of relief was incredible.

I held her there and quickly sat up. I started to slowly pull out of her throat, and she echoed my grunt of pleasure with her own long moan. I looked down at her naked and bound body, and grabbing her hair tight, I thrust hard back into her. She let out another excited moan around my cock. I was soon rapidly pumping in and out of her throat as fast as I could.

“You like this…don’t you…” I panted, pulling her hair, “You like it when I…fuck your little throat!”

She was still moaning, but whether she was trying to answer me or not, I couldn’t tell. I pulled her hair harder and tried to increase my pace. I felt my orgasm approaching fast. It was long overdue, I’d never been teased like this before, and I knew that when it hit it would be incredible.

“You love this.” I taunted her, “You love being my little…cock sucker!”

My orgasm finally hit me, and the pleasure was intense. Jessica’s voice suddenly shot up in pitch, a long moan ending in a high squeal, as my own breath came out in a ragged moan. I didn’t stop pumping into her as my sperm flowed into her throat in long spurts. This felt better than anything we’d done before. Tying her up, taunting her, delaying my pleasure, using her like this; all combined it gave me the most incredible orgasm I could ever remember having.

When my cock stopped pulsing with pleasure, I slid it back out of her throat. It was only after I’d slid out that I realised Jessica was still moaning. She let her face fall to the bed, and she fell over on her side, her bound arms shaking and her legs quivering. Her voice was jumping and shaking in a way that I was very familiar with.

“Jessica…what…?”

She looked up at me.

“I’m…I’m…aahahhh…” she moaned.

I couldn’t believe it. I quickly jumped up, spread her legs and slid a finger inside her. I felt her pussy grip against my finger, and her voice squeaked out in pleasure.

She was having an orgasm.

I sat back, completely stunned. I watched her slowly come down, her body shaking less and her voice leaving her heavy breathing. How had she cum without even being touched? Was that even possible? I had no idea what to say.

“I came…” she whimpered.

She let out a delirious giggle.

“I came…just from sucking you…” she said, giggling again. “Just from sucking your big cock.”

She struggled up to her knees and shuffled over to me. She always wanted to be close to me after an orgasm, I’d noticed. I opened my arms to her, and she let her body collapse into them. She tried resting her head against me like she always did, but because I was sitting and she couldn’t hug me, she had to hold herself up with just her legs.

I took her shoulders and slowly turned her so that her back was to me, and she was straddling my right leg. She lay back against me and relaxed.

We were silent for a minute or two, both breathing heavily.

“How did that even happen?” I finally asked.

She laughed again.

“I don’t even know.” she sighed, “You just…feel so good in my throat. And the way you were holding me…and…and talking to me…”

She trailed off. I gave her a second to collect her thoughts.

“Well, I was…doing these exercises I read about.” she admitted quietly.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well I…” she moved around again, getting comfortable against me. She still hadn’t asked for her arms to be released. “I heard about these exercises to make my…my pussy tighter. Or, I guess to keep it tight. I don’t want to get all…stretched out, you know? I want to stay nice and tight for you.” she said slowly.

I’d read about this.

I vaguely remembered some forum about a woman worried that her new boyfriend’s big cock would literally ruin her for other men by stretching her out. I read through it all, and I remember the conclusion being something like; A big dick isn’t going to make you noticeably looser, even having a child probably won’t. But there are exercises that can make your pussy ‘stronger’ in a weird kind of way, making it so it can grip tighter against whatever’s inside, which would probably increase pleasure.

She interrupted my memories by continuing.

“I was just doing that, and it felt really good, squeezing my…my pussy like that. And then you started to cum inside my throat…your thick cock just…pulsing and thrusting…and it felt so good…I just went off…” she said.

I hadn’t heard of this, but I made a note to research it later. I couldn’t help but notice how she kept hesitating before saying sexual words, like pussy or cock. I remembered what she’d said earlier, about how I’d been talking to her.

“Did you like the things I was saying?” I asked.

She hesitated.

“I…I don’t know.” she said quietly.

I rolled my eyes. She always resisted when it came to stuff like this, she always had to be prompted into admitting the truth. I reached down and grabbed her right breast hard, digging my fingers in.

She let out a pathetic little whimper of pain, and I tightened my grip. I loved how her boob felt, and realised I hadn’t really explored her body as much as I thought I wanted to. I hadn’t played with her boobs much, and I hadn’t licked her pussy yet, which was something I wanted to try. I continued squeezing her for a while, before I focused my thoughts.

“Don’t lie to me.” I said calmly, “If you don’t know, then think. Did you like what I was saying when I fucked your mouth?”

“I…think so…Yes!” she gasped, her breath getting short again, “I did…I liked it!”

I used my other hand to pinch her other nipple, and started to twist it roughly. With her arms tied she was powerless to stop me, but she didn’t even try to move her body away.

“Did you like sucking me off? Did you like it when I used your hot little throat to satisfy me? ” I asked.

“Yes!” she moaned, “I love it!”

My cock was getting hard again, hearing her talk like this.

“I love sucking your…big cock…” she continued, still panting, “I love being yours…your little slut…your little…cock sucker!”

I released my grip on her, and she sighed with relief.

“I love it…” she whimpered, pushing back against me, “I love being your slut…”

“Good girl.” I said, wrapping my arms around her.

She’d said things like this to me before, called herself a slut, but it seemed to get a little harder for her at times, it seemed to mean more. I guessed that there were times she could just act like she was saying what I wanted her to, that she was only applying that label to herself because she wanted to submit to me.

But other times, like this, she seemed to really believe it. She couldn’t lie to herself, and make excuses. She just had to admit that she was a slut. My slut.

I gently caressed her hair as she let out little purrs of contentment, and we just lay like that for a while. But something was bothering me. Something wasn’t quite right. She sighed against me, not asking what was going to happen next, or if I would untie her. She was just content. But I wasn’t.

The realisation came to me in a flash. I felt my smile grow wider.

“Jessica?” I asked her gently.

She sat up and turned, looking up into my eyes. I couldn’t wait to see her reaction.

“Jessica…did I give you permission to have an orgasm?”

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. She was the perfect picture of surprise.

“I couldn’t…I mean…” she stammered.

I grabbed her chin hard, and she let out a squeak of fear.

“Did I. Give you. Permission.” I said slowly.

She shook her head, before spitting out, “No.”

“So what do you think should happen now?” I asked.

She swallowed hard.

“You should punish me.” she said.

Her voice was strong and clear, despite how afraid she looked.

“Do you want me to punish you?” I asked.

She hesitated for a second, looking away from me, but quickly met my eye again and nodded once.

“I want you to punish me.” she said. “You didn’t give me permission. I…I deserve it.”

Before I could stop myself, my face broke into a wide smile. I normally tried to keep my expression neutral when I was with her, but she looked so adorably certain.

She returned my smile, happy to have pleased me.

“Good girl.” I said.

I took her shoulders gently rolled her over into a kneeling position. I spanked her hard, and she quickly counted “One”. Just like before, she kept up a rapid pace, and so did I.

Hitting her like this, I could feel the anger rising up in me, and I vented it on her shaking body, ignoring how much my own hand was hurting. She counted well, and despite breaking into tears as the final numbers approached, she didn’t make a single mistake, and barely hesitated. It seemed that after she got over the initial shock of actually being spanked, she could take a lot of punishment.

Maybe ten wouldn’t be enough in future.

My cock was rock hard again, and as soon as I finished, I quickly grabbed her by the shoulders and span her around. She moved with me, and I slammed her down onto her back. She stared up at me, tears streaming down her face, naked body bound and quivering, and whimpered;

“Thank you…for punishing me…”

I felt myself become overwhelmed with lust, and with an almost literal growl I threw myself at her. I put my face an inch in front of hers and grabbed her tightly by the hair, and I felt my cock slide against her dripping pussy lips. She was driving me insane, I’d never felt this much raw passion.

“You want this cock, slut?” I hissed at her.

“Yes!” she gasped, “Please fuck me…please, I need it…”

I gripped her hair tighter, and felt my stinging hand ache as I squeezed my fist. I kept my face in front of hers, staring into her eyes and feeling her hot breath against my lips, her eyes wide and frantic. I grabbed the base of my cock and started to slide the tip against pussy. I couldn’t believe just how much I wanted to fuck her, to dominate her. It was almost an animal need, in a way that I’d never felt so powerfully before. I wanted to hold her tenderly and tear her apart, both at the same time.

As the tip of my cock slid up her pussy, I ground it hard into her exposed clit. She gasped loudly and her hips bucked upwards.

“Oh God,” she moaned, “I’m…I’m going to cum again…please, please let me cum…fuck me, please, make me cum…”

I drummed the head of my cock against her clit and pussy lips in a fast rhythm.

“Do it, slut.” I grunted.

I felt her whole body go taut like a pulled spring beneath me, her head pushed back and her mouth opened in a silent scream. She gasped and exhaled loudly, and I felt a rush of hot fluid flow from her drenched pussy lips. I gripped her tight and finally pushed my cock into her, feeling the strength of her orgasm shake her body from within. I slid my entire length into her, grunting with pleasure as she began to moan again, her voice cracking. Her hips were shaking with an incredible intensity, and her tears continued to fall through closed eyes.

I finally allowed myself to give in to my lust, and began to pound into her, using fast, hard strokes to completely fill her tight pussy, which was still gripping and pulsing hard around my thick cock. Her orgasm seemed to last forever, prolonged by my cock pushing into her. There was an incredible freedom in this, I felt. I didn’t have to wonder what to do or say, or plan any more little manipulations for her. As much as I enjoyed seeing her suffer, it was so liberating to just being able to pound into her as much as I wanted.

She was still cumming, gasping and moaning to the point where her voice sounded hoarse. I noticed she was holding her legs up on either side of me, so I grabbed her knees and pushed them tight against her chest. It seemed to make her pussy even tighter, and as I thrust into her over and over, I felt my second orgasm approaching faster than normal, and decided not to try to hold it off. I was soon shooting out another orgasm so strong it forced a wild moan from my lips.

I kept my cock inside her as my orgasm passed. Her pussy was still gripping around my softening shaft as I pulled out of her, and her breath was still coming in shaky gasps and sobs.

I rested on my knees for a minute or two, just watching her. She was holding her legs in the air, her knees pressed against her chest, and her hips thrusting slightly in a steady rhythm as the waves of her orgasm passed, her toes curling slightly in time with her legs.

I leaned over her, wrapping one hand around her jaw and the sliding the other into her messy hair. Her breathing slowed, and soon we were both still, and calm, looking into each other’s eyes. I gripped with both hands and kissed her. I could taste a hint of my own sperm in her mouth, but I didn’t care. I broke the kiss, and pulled her up by the shoulders, guiding her to turn over. I moved behind her and unclasped the belt that was holding her arms. She sighed with relief as they fell limply to her sides.

I reached over and pulled her tub of cream from my bedside drawer. I quickly unscrewed the lid, and began slowly and methodically massaging the cream onto her bright red cheeks.

She began to sigh and laugh when I first touched her, and soon I could see her visibly relax.

“How do your arms feel?” I asked, putting the lid back on the tub.

I lay down beside her, and she rolled over onto me, clumsily trying to hug me around my neck.

“Numb.” she said simply, and giggled. “Tingly.”

I’d read enough about bondage to know that, while numbness is usually a warning sign to be more careful, it can take hours in a position for real damage to occur, unless it’s a particularly strenuous one. Still, I made a note to try out a different position next time.

“That’s normal.” I said, “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s ok.” she said quickly, looking up into my eyes, “I trust you.”

I stroked her hair gently, and she rested her head on my chest again. She hadn’t stopped smiling since I untied her. As the feeling returned to her arms she gripped me tighter, and sighed again. She didn’t relax like she normally did. I could still feel the tension in her body.

“Jessica -” I said, stroking her hair.

“Not yet.” she interrupted.

I was going to ask if there was something bothering her, but it looked like she was about to tell me herself.

“Don’t make me leave yet, please.” she said, “Just let me stay here, just for a while.”

“Jessica…” I said again, uncertainly.

“Please. Please don’t send me away yet. Please just…hold me.” she begged.

She held me tighter, and I could hear the need in her voice.

I sighed. She was serious about this. Well, would it be the worst thing in the world if we just lay together for a while?

“Ok.” I said gently, “It’s Ok. You can stay for a while.”

“Thank you.” she murmured quickly.

She tilted her head and kissed my neck a few times with light pecks.

This was when she was at her most honest, I thought. After I’d stripped away everything else, her will, her dignity, everything that she presented to the rest of the world; after she’d submitted to me entirely, and lost herself in it. She was left so raw, and so vulnerable. The way she clung to me, still shaking, just begging for this warmth, no trace of shame at displaying such a desperate desire. It was like the extreme embodiment of “cuddling afterwards”. It was her consuming need to just feel some sort of contact, physical and emotional .My chest swelled with a new kind of understanding of her.

“Thank you.” she said again.

I held her tighter, and kissed her head. Then I felt her relax. Her whole body lost tension, and within a minute I could feel her breathing growing deeper and slower. After a few minutes more, she was asleep in my arms.
I sighed again. I slowly reached out to the digital clock on my bedside table. I set my alarm for an hour and a half away, because I remembered reading that ninety minutes is the best length of time for a long nap. I ran my fingers idly through her hair a few more times before I closed my eyes.

But I couldn’t sleep. I kept opening my eyes to look down at her, and kept focusing on the pressure of her body on mine. There was something excitingly intimate about her actually sleeping with me. I rolled my eyes when I thought this, wondering again how things could be so backwards. Wasn’t the intimacy supposed to come first in a relationship, and not after the sex?

She shifted her in her sleep every now again to stay comfortable, but she always seemed to perfectly fit with me, our legs intertwining, or her weight being pushed perfectly on my hips. I was so comfortable, but maybe I didn’t want to sleep. I liked holding her like this. I liked the gentle sighs she sometimes made that caught her voice and ended in a soft moan. I ended up just lying there, barely a thought in my head, until I noticed the alarm was about to go. Had it really been that long?

I reached over and turned the alarm off before it rang.

“Jessica.” I said gently.

She didn’t react.

“Jessica.” I said louder, stroking her head.

I felt her begin the slow climb to consciousness, her body tensing and twitching as she regained control. She suddenly looked up at me. She sat up quickly and rubbed her eyes.

“Did I fall asleep?” she asked.

I smiled at the obvious question.

“Yeah. You were out for more than an hour.” I said.

“Sorry.” she said sheepishly. “I just wanted to stay…I didn’t-“

“It’s Ok.” I said, interrupting her.

She nodded, unsure of herself.

“Thank you for letting me stay.” she said softly.

She seemed so vulnerable. I didn’t know how to treat her when she was like this. I wanted to hold her, to feel her warmth against me. I also kind of wanted to see her cry again.

She was waiting for something. Waiting for me to tell her to leave, or just to tell her to do something.

“Come here.” I said.

She smiled and leaned forward again, sliding between my arms and resting her head on my shoulder.

“I really liked having lunch with you.” she whispered.

Again with this.

“It was just lunch with your friends.” I said.

“I know, but…I like seeing you.” she said. She laughed gently, “I like being with you.”

I didn’t say anything.

“And I’m sorry about Mike yesterday. He’s such an asshole, I can’t believe he hasn’t given up on me.” she laughed, and it sounded worlds different from a few seconds ago. Suddenly it was cruel, and mocking. “He probably doesn’t want to try and beg any other virgins to play with his little clit.”

I felt myself tense at the mention of him. I got the feeling something was going to happen with him, and I didn’t know what. It made me nervous, so like always, I pushed the thought away and ignored it.

She slid her hand up into my hair, and started gently twisting it around her fingers.

“I talked to Becky about you.” I said.

“Yeah?” she said, continuing her gentle caresses.

“She said a lot of the time, you’re just a bitch.”

She laughed again, and again it sounded different. Cold, and bitter.

“Yeah, well that’s about right.” she said, sighing.

She dropped her arm down and wrapped it around me again, clinging tightly around my neck.

“Can you believe what Rose said?” she asked.

That was weird. Her voice sounded tense, like she was forcing herself to sound casual.

“Like, why would you even want to go out with her?” she asked, nervous humour in her voice.

She was jealous. I didn’t know how she thought I wouldn’t pick up on it, she was being so obvious. She thought there was a chance I might want to go out with Becky, and she was jealous.

“I don’t know…” I said thoughtfully, “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.”

Her body instantly tensed.

“What?” she asked, terrified.

I smiled.

“I was just thinking, you know, it might be nice to have an actual girlfriend.” I said.

Jessica suddenly pulled away from me, staring desperately into my eyes.

“But you have me.” she said.

“Yeah, but you’re not my girlfriend.” I said, gently stroking her face.

She looked away for a second, as if disgusted, before meeting my eye again. She seemed both furious, and terrified.

“You don’t need her. You have me.” she repeated.

I cocked my head, as if confused.

“Does it bother you? Thinking I might go on a date with Becky? I mean, she’s pretty, right?” I asked.

Her breath was getting heavy, and I could see it all rising to the surface. The fear, the tension, the strange sense of betrayal. I didn’t even really know why I was doing this, I just wanted to see her reaction.

“You don’t need her.” she said again. She was close to tears.

She suddenly leapt forward and kissed me, trying to push her tongue into my mouth. I grabbed her hair and pulled her back, but she wrapped her hands around my head and pulled me with her, locking us together. Her tongue pushed passed my lips, and she kissed me deeply.

I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her roughly away.

“Stop, Jessica!” I ordered.

She roughly pushed my arms away and violently kissed me again.

Anger suddenly boiled up in me. She didn’t treat me like this.

I pushed her off, struggling with her as she tried to find my lips again. I rolled her over onto her back and pinned her down.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked angrily.

“You don’t…you have me, you don’t need her.” she repeated desperately.

“Shut up.” I growled.

“You don’t-“

I clamped my hand roughly over her mouth and she moaned into it. Tears started rolling down her cheeks, and she struggled against me. I grabbed her hair and pulled it hard, harder than I ever had.

“Listen to me slut. I don’t need her, but certainly don’t fucking need you either. I told you before this even started that you weren’t my girlfriend, and I that I didn’t give a shit about Mike, or whoever else.” I growled at her.

She started to moan again, trying to answer me. I kept my weight on her, and didn’t let her move.

“It’s none of your fucking business who I want to date, or fuck, or do anything with, do you understand me?” I asked.

The pain in her eyes was intense.

I moved my hand to let her speak, and she immediately jumped up. I couldn’t pin her with only one arm and she got free, clinging tight to me and pulling me into another kiss.

I wrapped my hand around her throat and pushed her down again, slamming her into the bed.

“Jessica, stop!”

“I love you.” she moaned, “I love, you don’t need her, please, I love you…” she cried.

I knew I should have expected something like this, but the extent to which she resisted me had made me mindlessly angry. Rage pulsed through my blood like it had a thousand times before, but this time I couldn’t stop it. I grabbed her shoulders and span her around, forcing her face down into the bed. I dragged her legs up, and she automatically moved into the position, tucking them under her and thrusting her ass in the air.

“I’m sorry! Please…” she gasped.

I spanked her hard, over and over, relishing in the burning pain. She squealed and started sobbing openly. I didn’t even try to keep track of how many times I hit her, but I must have kept it up for more than a minute without pause, raining blows fast and hard down on her soft flesh.

I gritted my teeth, and finally managed to pull myself back, wrestling my anger away.

“I love you…” she sobbed.

She’d never cried like this before, never this hard.

“Shut up.” I said, my voice shaking.

“Please…” she whispered. “You don’t need her.”

“Shut up!” I shouted. Just liked that, my anger flared up again, forcing my heart into a frenzy. I looked at the ground, and saw the belt hanging over the edge of the bed. I remembered my dark thoughts from earlier, and I grabbed it on an impulse.

I held it in my hands, staring at Jessica’s shaking, sobbing body. I folded it over and gripped the ends. Without any more thinking, I struck.

The leather met her ass with a ferocious snap. Her body leapt forward and she let out a shocked gasp. I didn’t care how much it hurt her, I just wanted to see it again. I hit her again, and again, using the strength of my whole body, grunting out with every swing. I hit her for disobeying me, for thinking she could control me, for making me doubt myself every time I saw her. I hit her for everything she’d ever done to me. I hit her with every ounce of rage that I had, until I had none left.

Suddenly the adrenaline that fuelled me dried up just as quickly as it had come, and I was left feeling utterly empty. Her ass was a mess, a deep, dark red that would obviously bruise. I looked at the belt in my hands, almost not recognising it. Had I really done this?

I threw the belt down in disgust, and ran my hands up into my hair. This is why I couldn’t lose control. I felt myself begin to panic. I’d never intended to hurt her like this. This was more than she could take, surely.

But then I noticed her pussy. It was dripping wet, and her thighs were soaked. I looked down, and my cock was as hard as it had ever been, pre cum already forming at the tip. We were both so ready.

I couldn’t handle this.

“Get up.” I said, my voice hoarse.

She looked back at me, her face soaked with tears.

“Get up. Get out.” I said.

She just stared at me.

“Get out!” I shouted, “Get the fuck out!” I grabbed her by the hair and pushed her off the bed.

I watched her just lie on the ground for almost a minute, rolled up in a sobbing ball. She slowly rose, not meeting my eye. She gathered her new bra and panties, and limped out of the room without looking back, closing the door softly behind her.

I didn’t sleep that night.

I tried over and over to forget what had happened, I tried to force myself to ignore the guilt and shame that I felt at hurting her like that. This was so much more than I’d intended.

I loaded up my laptop and tried to use the internet to distract myself, but nothing worked. I kept thinking of her tear stained face, the complete look of fear and pain in her eyes. And as much as I hated it, every single time I felt my dick stiffen at the memories. I hated myself, I hated her, I hated everything that had happened so far.

Eventually I realised that I wasn’t going to be able to ignore it, so I tried to deal with it. I brought the memories up, over and over until they lost their sting, until the guilt began to fade. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t long before the sun began to rise outside my window, and I still didn’t know what to do.

==

As I walked downstairs the next afternoon, I really didn’t know what to expect. Had she gone to Rose like that, crying and abused? I felt another pulse of guilt wash through me as I thought about her again. I’d hurt her so much. This was way beyond just playing with pain, or whatever we were doing. It had been brutal. Cruel. But at the same time, I couldn’t deny that there was still some part of me that had loved every single second of it. Even as I hated myself for hurting her like that, I felt my heart beat faster, and my cock twitch yet again at the memory.

I hadn’t gotten any sleep. I didn’t know what to do.

I walked into the kitchen to find Jessica standing beside the kitchen counter, staring at the TV. I stopped. She was wearing a worn out sweater that I recognised as one of Rose’s old ones, and a pair of sweatpants. Her eyes were glazed over, she wasn’t really paying attention. She still hadn’t noticed me. I continued walking, but she didn’t turn her head until I was almost beside her and I slid a stool out to sit on.

Her head snapped to the side and her eyes widened. She actually jumped back a little in fear, her arms curling up into an instinctive, defensive position. She looked exhausted. I sat down.

“Where’s Rose?” I asked.

She didn’t say anything at first. She was so terrified.

“She…” she started.

She didn’t continue for another few seconds.

“She went for a run. I told her I was sick…” she said.

I nodded and turned away from her. I had no idea what to say. Should I apologise? Or just act like it didn’t happen?

I turned back to her. She hadn’t stopped looking at me.

“I…” she started.

I didn’t react.

“I…I…” she stuttered.

“What is it, Jessica?” I said gently.

“I don’t know…if I can do this any more.” she said quietly, dropping her eyes.

My heart started thumping in my chest. I struggled to keep my expression neutral as a hundred different emotions rose up in me; anger, fear, sympathy, and of course, the ever present guilt.

I stayed silent.

“I…” she said again.

She looked into my eyes again, before looking away.

“I thought I…could handle it, but…but I don’t know if I can…” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked quickly.

She couldn’t handle the pain?

“You hate me!” she cried, meeting my eyes again. I could see tears welling up. “You’ve always hated me! And I knew that, but…but I thought it would change…or that I could deal with it…”

She looked down.

“I just…I love you so, so much and…” she started. Tears started to roll down her cheek. She wiped them away with her sleeves. “And…I don’t know what…what we’re doing here. You hurt me…but then you kiss me…and-“

“You told me you like it when I hurt you.” I interrupted.

“I do!” she almost shouted back, “It’s…it’s just all so fucked up! I mean, what are we doing here?”

She paused, her tears silently flowing, eyes downcast.

“Sometimes I think…the way you look at me…that you might… But then you want to be with someone else? With Becky?” she said, meeting my eye again. “I just don’t know what I am to you.”

She hadn’t even mentioned her punishment. After all I’d done to her, it was how I felt about her that mattered? It was our relationship she was worried about? After hurting like I had, it was talking about some other girl that she remembered?

I stood up and took a step towards her.

“Jessica…” I said, lifting her chin. “You’re saying…you want to know how I feel about you? You want to know what kind of relationship we have?”

She nodded, staring into my eyes.

“Jessica…sweetheart…” I said gently, “Our relationship…how I feel…it’s simple.”

Her eyes widened when I called her “sweetheart”. I wasn’t really sure why I’d done it, it had just kind of slipped out naturally. It was what my parents called each other. It felt weirdly old-fashioned, but intimate. But I wasn’t really focusing on that. I knew exactly what to say to her. For the first time in a while, I knew exactly how I felt about Jessica.

“Jessica, I…”

I paused. Anticipation was written in every detail of her face.

“I own you.” I said.

She let out a tiny gasp, and her face fell in confusion.

“You…” she said, her voice shaking.

“I own you.” I repeated. “I have all this…control over you, and I didn’t even have to take it from you. You gave yourself to me.”

Her expression didn’t change. She didn’t react at all.

“I mean, week after week, coming to my room, begging me to pleasure you, hell, begging to pleasure me. You gave me control of your body. And now you’re mine. You belong to me, Jessica.”

I took a half-step towards her and curled my arm around her back, my other hand still holding her face. She leaned in to my body instinctively.

“Have I ever had to force you?” I asked, “Have I ever done anything to you that you didn’t ask me to do?”

Immediately last night came to my mind. She hadn’t asked for that. But I pushed on.

“Didn’t you tell me that you liked being hurt by me?” I asked, smiling.

I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek. I could taste the salt of her tears on my lips.

“Didn’t you tell me…” I almost whispered, “That you wanted to be mine?”

Her whole body shivered. I pulled back and swept my hand up through her hair.

“Didn’t you?” I asked again.

I couldn’t read her face. It was like she was in a state of shock.

“Answer me…Jessica.” I prompted gently, “What was it that you said to me the first time we fucked? When you begged me to come to your bedroom? When you deep-throated my cock, and begged me to fuck you?”

I dropped my arm and let it join the other one behind her back. I pulled her into a tight hug.

“What did you say to me?” I whispered into hear.

I felt her arms slowly rise to cross behind my back as she returned my hug.

“I…I said…” she whispered.

She suddenly seemed to shake herself. She cleared her throat and pulled away from me. I dropped my arms to my sides as she took a step back.

“I said…I wanted to be…to be yours.” she admitted, “But I didn’t mean it like that…I meant…”

“You meant what?” I asked, my voice becoming firm, “You wanted to be my girlfriend? Is that it? I told you that’s not what you were to me.”

“I know…” she said. “I thought…I don’t know…I just wanted to be your…your…” she trailed off, unable to find the word.

“My what, Jessica? My lover?” I asked mockingly.

“Your slut!” she shouted, “I wanted to be your slut!”

“And what does that mean?” I asked quickly, “What does that mean, Jessica? I didn’t force you to say it. I didn’t force you to say or do anything. You wanted to belong to me. You wanted to be mine!”

I took a step backwards and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I couldn’t lose my temper. Not again. I felt like I was on the side of a cliff.

I opened my eyes to find her staring at me. She didn’t react at first. Had I pushed too far? Had I scared her off?

She slowly bit her lip. The fear and tension seemed to be leaving her body.

“Right, Jessica?” I said slowly. “Isn’t that right?”

The corner of her mouth twitched up into the smallest of smiles, and she nodded.

Relief crashed through me like a flood, and I let out a long sigh. I stepped towards her again, wrapping my arm behind her back.

“Say it, Jessica.” I said, brushing her hair from her eyes.

Her smile grew.

“I…I wanted…I want to be yours.” she said, her quiet voice charged with excitement.

“I own you.” I said.

She nodded again and let out a small giggle.

“You own me.” she repeated.

I sighed with pleasure and felt my cock growing harder.

“I don’t believe you Jessica…” I said, “Make me believe you.”

“You…you own me.” she said, her voice shaking.

I reached behind her and gently put my hand on her ass. Her body jumped against mine at just a touch.

“I love you,” she sighed, “I’m yours.”

I gently squeezed her ass and she let out a gasp of pain.

“I own every inch of this body.” I said, revelling in the power, “You’re mine.”

“I’m yours!” she said desperately, “I’m…I’m yours…”

“You like it when I hurt you, don’t you?” I asked.

She nodded, biting down on her lip hard.

“I like…I like it…” she gasped as I slightly increased my grip.

I couldn’t get enough of hearing that.

“I came so hard last night, when you fucked me.” she admitted, her eyes narrowing in pain, “It felt so…good to just be tied up and…and used like that.”

I suddenly clenched my fingers hard, gripping so tight it would hurt even if she wasn’t already in pain. She gasped again and let out a low moan, as her knees dropped and she had to tighten her grip on me for support.

“Ahhh…ahhh! I love you…I’m yours!” she gasped.

I released my grip on her.

“I know, sweetheart.” I said, the word slipping out easily.

I kissed her gently on the forehead, and she leaned into me.
“Good girl.” I said.

I pulled away from her and took a step back. Her eyes were still red, and she looked exhausted, but she seemed so much happier than before. So at ease, and relaxed. I was ecstatic. All this confusion, all the wondering about her feelings, and about mine, it wasn’t important. She wanted to belong to me. That was all that mattered.

I walked past her, taking her by the hand and leading her upstairs. She followed along silently, but I could tell from her uneven footsteps that she was limping slightly. When we got to my room, I got out her little jar of cream and sat down on the bed. She was still at the door waiting for a command, just like always.

I sat facing her.

“Strip.” I said.

She smiled, and slowly pulled the old, loose sweater up over her head, revealing that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath it. She stared unashamed into my eyes as she hooked her thumbs into the waist of her pants and slid them down. Her pink panties were clearly damp around the crotch, but I only glanced at them before meeting her eye again. She pulled them down without hesitation. I took a second to yet again admire her fantastic body. It felt so familiar to me now, but at the same time still so new and exciting. She was so beautiful, so sexy.

“Turn around.” I said.

Her gaze finally broke as she glanced down shyly, but did as I asked.

I had to suppress a gasp when she revealed her ass to me. It was still bright pink, and there were several dark red bruises striping along it, and a few lower, along her thighs. I glanced to the side to see the belt still lying on the floor where I’d thrown it. I couldn’t believe I’d hurt her this much. As guilty as I felt, I had to sit back and adjust how I was positioned. My slowly stiffening cock had become rock hard as soon as I saw her tainted skin.

“Come…come here, Jessica.” I said, my voice catching slightly.

She turned and took a few steps until she was standing in front of me. I took her by the hand and led her to my side. I pulled on her arm again, and she understood what I wanted, her eyebrows jumping in surprise and a shy smile playing across her lips.

She leaned over, and I supported her with my arms until she was lying over my knees. It felt good to hold her like this, supporting her full weight, the heat of her body. Up close her ass looked even worse, even more painful. I gently ran a finger along one of the deeper bruises, and she gasped.

I dipped my fingers onto the cream and touched them to the bruise. Her whole body jumped and she let out a breathy giggle.

“Jessica…I want you to know something.” I said as I continued applying the cream.

“Yeah?” she sighed happily.

“I’m sorry.” I said.

“Wh…what?” she said. I could feel her body tense on top of me, “For what?”

She sounded panicked, as if expecting bad news. I laughed, despite myself. For what?

“For doing this.” I explained, “For hurting you like this.”

“But…” she said quickly, “You were punishing me…I…didn’t I deserve it?” she asked, her voice getting softer.

I sighed.

“Not…not…”

I struggled to find the words.

“I lost my temper with you.” I said, “I shouldn’t have hurt you this much. Not just for what you did. I’m sorry for that.”

I finished putting the cream on and pulled her gently by the shoulder, guiding her to stand. She looked a little confused, but her expression was so full of love, and admiration. I took her hand, and felt her squeeze mine gently. I leaned down and kissed her softly on her thumb.

“Do you forgive me?” I asked, looking up at her.

She smiled widely and a tear began to roll down her cheek. She laughed and nodded quickly, as she wiped the tears away. I’d never actually seen tears of joy before.

I pulled her towards me, and she was soon sitting on my lap, her legs pushed across to the side. It felt incredible to be fully clothed and holding a beautiful, naked woman in my arms. She wrapped her arms behind my neck and stared into my eyes with a new intensity, as if she was trying to see into my mind.

“I liked it though.” she said softly, “I really…I mean it hurt, so much, but I…I still liked it. I liked being… whipped like that. That’s really fucked up, isn’t it?” she laughed nervously.

After a few seconds, she sighed, and rested her head against my shoulder. I felt her relax in my arms, and for a while we were both silent.

“Maybe it is.” I said slowly, “But let me ask you something…why do you think I do this stuff to you? Why do you think I hurt you?”

She thought on it for a few seconds.

“Because…because I like it?” she asked quietly.

I dug my fingers under her ass and grabbed hard, digging into her bruised skin. She sighed with pain and squirmed against me.

“I do it…because I like it.” I hissed.

She let out a delicious little giggle, which ended in a pain filled moan. I released my grip, and wrapped my arms around her again. I telling her that we were as fucked up as each other.

She lay against me, and it slowly dawned on me that I’d just been unusually open with her. I’d never admitted my blossoming sadism to her, even though she must have suspected it by now. I shook my head, and sighed. I had to watch what I said to her. I didn’t want to reveal too much of myself.

I soon realised that, like the previous week, she was about to fall asleep. Her breathing was becoming slower and her whole body relaxed against me. I was surprised to feel a strong sense of fatigue overwhelm me, like a huge wave sweeping over my consciousness, threatening to pull me away. I knew well the symptoms of sleep deprivation, and I knew I wouldn’t be awake much longer. I shook myself, and slowly slid Jessica off my lap. Her feet delicately found the floor, before she continued her graceful slide downward to her knees. She turned and looked up at me, her eyes shining and breath heavy.

I ran my fingers up into her hair, and she leaned into my hand. It felt like we’d done this little action a dozen times by now, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Jessica, did you sleep at all?” I asked.

She shook her head, looking down guiltily.

“I…I sat in the bathroom until the sun came up.” she admitted quietly, “I couldn’t…I couldn’t stop crying…”. She let out a forced laugh, her eyes edged with sadness.

I sighed, and again a pulse of guilt rose up in me. I really had to take more care with my temper.

“Jessica, get dressed.” I said.

She looked up at me, confusion obvious on her face.

“You’re going to get dressed, and go lie down in Rose’s bed. I’ll tell her you’re not feeling well, and I’ll wake you before dinner. You can eat here, and then you’ll go home.” I said.

My voice was monotonous, and my mind was working far too hard for such a simple plan. I really needed some sleep myself.

“I…” she said, interrupting my thoughts, “I want to…I mean…can’t we…” she stuttered.

“No Jessica, you need to sleep.” I said, trying to put a firm edge to my voice.

She sat up slowly and ran her hands along my thighs until she found my hard cock. She squeezed it through my jeans, and ran her hand up and down along its length.

“Can I suck your cock first?” she asked, her voice light and breathy. “Please?”

I felt a wave of anger flash up in me. Why did it always take her so long to listen to me? I grabbed her roughly by the hair and she gasped and twisted in my grip.

“What are you?” I asked roughly.

She wasn’t sure of an answer.

“You’re mine!” I growled, “What are you?”

“I’m yours…” she whimpered, “I’m yours, you own me! I…Aahh!”

I pulled her close to me and leaned down to her face. I grabbed her roughly by the jaw and held her in place.

“When I give you an order, the only thing I want to hear out of that pretty little mouth of yours is, ‘Yes. Sir.'” I spat quickly, “Do you understand?”

Her face took over a sudden calm, and despite the pain I was causing her, her voice came out smooth and clear.

“Yes, Sir.” she said, staring into my eyes.

I released her, and sat back on the bed.

“Now, what are you going to do?” I asked.

“I’m going to get dressed.”, she said quickly, “Get dressed and go to sleep in Rose’s bed. And when you wake me, I’m going to have dinner here, and then go home…Sir.” she said.

Her voice seemed to get much smoother, and calmer, when she called me ‘Sir’. I’d said it in anger, but now I realised that this was something that could make her feel even more subjugated, even more submissive, which she seemed to crave.

And to be honest, I really liked hearing it.

“Good girl.” I said, my voice still firm. I still wanted to push her farther, I wanted to dominate her more.

“And what will you do if I decide to go out with Becky? Or with anyone else?” I asked.

She hesitated, looking away, but after only a few seconds she met my eyes again.

“I…I won’t do anything…” she said. “It’s none of my business…who…who else you want to fuck…Sir.”

She was repeating my words from last night, but it was clear she didn’t believe it. I could still see the jealousy and anger lurking behind her eyes. I still didn’t know if I even planned to be with anyone else, I’d mostly reacted the way I did out of anger towards her disobedience, not because I was really considering it.

But she’d said it, and that was enough for now. I could address it later.

“Good girl.” I said, allowing my voice to become softer. “You’re a good little slut for me, aren’t you?”

She nodded quickly, smiling, and I gestured for to come close. She got to her feet and sat down on my lap in one smooth motion. Her head went to that familiar place between my neck and shoulder, and she planted a small kiss on my exposed collar bone.

“Oh yeah, something else.” I said.

“Yeah?” she breathed.

In my long, sleepless night, I’d looked up this ‘non-contact orgasm’ thing. It seemed it was possible for some women to orgasm without even touching their pussy, and some women could get off just from giving head. Usually only women with incredibly sensitive bodies, or a very high sex drive could pull it off, and it even said doing those “kegel” exercises was usually the key.

“The only time you’re allowed to cum without my permission is when my cock is in your throat. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” She giggled again, and kissed my neck. “Thank you.”

There was a moment of calm silence before she spoke.

“Um…Sir?” she said softly.

It felt she was testing out the waters in regards to calling me ‘Sir’. This was the first time she’d used it like a real title, like a real name. I really, really liked it.

I looked down at her, and she was clearly waiting for a reaction.

“What is it, Jessica?” I asked softly.

“Will you kiss me? Please?” she asked, her eyes wide.

I smiled at her, and she returned it. I kissed her softly, gently, but she once again pushed her tongue into my mouth with an intense passion. I lost myself in the sensation, releasing my tight control, and just letting myself enjoy it.

Our kissing became almost frenzied as our tongues moved together, and we held each other tightly. She turned quickly and wrapped her legs around my waist, clinging tight to me as my erection pushed against her leg through my jeans. I was soon pulling hard on her hair, and biting down on her lip as she moaned and wriggled on my lap, her hands holding on to my face. The second her flesh slipped from between my teeth, she slid her tongue back into my mouth and continued the kiss.

I loved this, this moment, being with her. But just like always, it ended far too quickly. She jumped and snapped her head towards my open door, as we heard the front door open. Rose was home. She let out a little growl of frustration and turned back to me.

I was too tired for any of this to surprise, or worry me.

“Go.” I said calmly, sighing.

She smiled and stole one quick kiss from my closed lips before jumping off my lap. She gathered her clothes in her arms and turned to me at the door.

“I’ll see you later?” she said, wrinkling her nose as she realised she’d phrased it as a question.

“Bye Jessica.” I said, smiling.

“Bye.” she said quickly, “I love you.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

Her face lit up with that pure, genuine smile.

“Now get into bed, before Rose comes to check on you.” I said.

“Ok. I mean…yes, Sir.” she said lightly, giggling. She turned and ran quietly across the hall.

I sighed and lay back on the bed. My mind was buzzing, despite the creeping pull of sleep deprivation. I thought about Jessica, and all the plans I had for her. Our relationship, however strange and depraved it seemed to be, was just beginning. I owned her, and I was going to enjoy it in every way I could.

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