I never felt so uncomfortable and horny at the same time in my life–well, as least not since the day before when I fucked Chris. Jason strode past me, smelling sweet like chocolate, into my dimly-lit living room and gazed around. “You got a nice place,” he said.

“…Thank-you…” I answered awkwardly. I didn’t move from my spot next to the door. Jason sat down on my couch and looked at me.

“You gonna come sit down?” Jason asked. He smiled, a very seductive smile that caused excitement to ripple along my skin. Slowly and nervously, I made my way over to the very opposite end of the couch and sat. I wanted to look at Jason, to stare at his incredibly handsome face: his smooth, flawless skin, the sparkling hazel-colored eyes, and beautiful soft lips. Jason could tell that I was feeling uncomfortable, because he asked, “You sure it’s okay for me to be here? I can go if you don’t want me here or you got somethin’ you gotta do.”

I allowed myself to look at Jason–briefly. It was just unbelievable how goddamn attractive he was. And he was in my house, in my living room, sitting only about two feet away from me on the couch–and this couldn’t be the most worst fuckin time ever. Twenty minutes after Chris forced me to promise him that I wouldn’t fuck Jason, Jason shows up at my door, and I really wanted to just snatch his dick out of his zipper and cram it down my throat. But I couldn’t. I wanted to prove to myself that I could somewhat resist temptation sometimes. “No,” I said, “I don’t want you to leave…I just wasn’t expectin you to be here.”

“I came by hopin you would be here,” Jason said smiling, “and you are.” He had this glow on his face and the radiance of his smile made my heart triple in speed.

“I’m glad you came,” I said. And I was glad that Jason came…glad and surprised, and also confused, nervous and horny. “What did you wanna do?” I asked.

Jason leaned back on the couch. The tail of his shirt rose a little, enough so that I could see the bottom of his ridged, smooth stomach, and the beginning of a thin trail of hair that began below his navel. “Doesn’t matter to me. Is anybody home? Your mother?”

“No. Just you and me.”

“Nice,” Jason said with another one of his brilliant smiles. My dick twitched a little, but I ignored it. For at least tonight, I don’t wanna be a slave to my cock.

“We can watch a movie or somethin,” I suggested.

“Cool with me,” Jason responded, still smiling. Did he know what his smile did to me, how it made me want to lose control? My dick continued to inflate, almost to the point where I knew Jason would be able to see it poking against my jeans, making a tent. I repositioned myself so that he would not be able to see my rising boner. Reaching for the remote control, I switched on the television. “You mind if we turn off the light?” Jason asked. “It’s kinda bright in here. And besides, all movies are better in the dark.”

My heart was beating at quadruple speed at that point. “Yeah. Okay,” I said and turned off the lamp, leaving us alone in darkness, except for the glare of the television.

“Scoot a little closer,” Jason said, grazing my shoulder with his hand. “You’re way on the other side of town.”

Slightly embarrassed and more worried, I moved in closer to Jason. His sweet body scent was filling my nose and making my blood boil. I just wanted to lean over and rip his clothes right off. But I didn’t. Jason and I sat close, close enough for our thighs to be touching, close enough to hear each others’ loud pulses.

We watched “A Streetcar Named Desire” an old black and white movie with Marlon Brando. I hadn’t seen it in a long time, but as I saw it now, it reminded me of Chris. The guy Brando played in the movie was a loud, hostile, brute, but also really good-looking, passionate, and irresistible at the same time. I didn’t notice Jason’s hand caressing my leg. I felt it, only seconds later after I realized that he was touching me. Jason’s touch was a lot more different than Chris’. Chris was more forceful, aggressive, and powerful–while Jason’s touch was gentle, tender, but still very, very effective. Jason continued to move his hand up and down my leg, moving up slowly toward my crotch area. My mind wanted me to tell Jason to stop touching me, but I really didn’t want him to. I liked the way Jason touched me, as if I was something important that deserved care and respect. Even though I liked the way Chris touched me, Chris didn’t seem to have that same attitude when it came to me; to Chris, it seemed like I was just something he could have whenever he wanted, something he liked–but not something that was really, really important to him.

Jason squeezed my crotch a few times and found that my dick was super hard now. He chuckled a little, and then he asked me, “Is this okay? You want me to stop?”

In the four or so years that I had been fuckin guys, none of them, Chris included, had ever asked me if it was okay to touch me. Most just assumed it was okay, or didn’t give a fuck whether it was okay or not. And while I liked aggression, I also liked a little bit of non-aggression sometimes. Jason was scoring many points with me, points I wish he had scored two weeks ago before I began fucking Chris. And even though I wanted Jason to continue, I told him, “Yeah, it’s okay…but let’s just watch the movie right now.”

Jason’s gazed at me, and his hazel eyes glittered from the light coming from the screen. “That’s cool,” he said. It took a few seconds for our eyes to disconnect from each other.

We continued to watch the movie, but every so often I felt Jason’s eyes on me, and from the corner of my eye I could see him watching me. Yet everytime I turned to look at him, he would look at the screen, as though he were afraid of what would happen if our eyes met. Well, I was afraid of what would happen if our eyes connected–or any other parts of our bodies. I knew it wouldn’t be long before the inevitable happened; we could delay it, pretend to be engrossed in a movie I’ve seen many times, but I really wanted to be engrossed in Jason. I felt guilty, and I hated feeling guilty and I hated feeling restricted by a promise to Chris that I didn’t want to make in the first place. Chris’ face came up in my mind, and I wondered what he was doing while I was sitting in the dark with a tight-looking boy that I wanted to bone.

I was so lost in my thoughts that when I saw the credits roll down the TV screen, I didn’t realize the movie was over. “What do you wanna do now?” Jason asked.

I wanted to fuck, but I had to remember self-control. “What time is it?” I asked.

Jason checked his watch. “Like ten-thirty or so. Still kinda early.”

“What do you wanna do?” I asked back. My heart was beginning to beat fast. I’m sure if Jason listened carefully he could’ve heard it. He leaned in close, placed a hand on my waist, and drew me close to his face. Jason’s breath felt nice and warm against my chin. I closed my eyes gently, swallowing hard, my heart almost ready to explode because it was beating so fuckin hard, and I opened my mouth a little. Our lips brushed up against each other lightly, like a feather passing over my mouth, and it sent a nice chill down my spine. Jason took both of his warm hands and placed them gently on each side of my face. I exhaled, releasing all the stress and anxiety that I had been building up since he showed up at the front door. I waited patiently and impatiently at the same time for Jason to kiss me. I was nearly panting like a dog and my dick was as solid as it could be. For a moment, I thought about Chris, and I thought about how I was doing something he asked me not to do, but something I’m sure he was expecting me to do. Again I felt guilty, not guilty for what I was doing–or what I was about to do–but guilty because I really wasn’t guilty for doing what I was doing with Jason.

“I wanted to do this for such a long time,” Jason whispered.

Without thinking, I said, “Me too.”

Jason slowly drug his tongue up the length of my neck. I felt goose bumps pop up all over my body. There was a tingle that started at my ankles and continued up to my legs, to my knees, and finally my dick. “I like the way you taste,” he said, almost too low for me to actually hear him, “you taste kinda salty.” Jason sucked on my neck roughly, sending wave after wave of pleasure sweeping over my entire body. All of my muscles relaxed at once, and I kinda slouched in my seat. Jason took one of his hands off my face and started to make his way down my chest, down my stomach, below my navel. He started to unbuckle my belt and that’s when I opened my eyes and kinda pushed him away. “No,” I said, pretty much out of breath, “not right now.”

“Brandon, what’s wrong?” Jason asked. I liked the way he said my name. He rubbed my leg slowly, which made me start to burn all over in a very good way.

I didn’t want to say it, but it had to be said. “I can’t do this with you.”

Even though there wasn’t that much light, I could still see the hurt expression on Jason’s pretty face. “How come?”

“`Cause I’m…” I didn’t want to finish what I was about to say, and I was partway hoping that Jason wouldn’t ask me to finish what I was about to say,

“You’re what?” Jason questioned.

“I’m seein’ someone.”

The awkward silence that came after was horrible.

“I don’t…” Jason said. He stopped, recollected his thoughts and went on, “Brandon, what do you mean you’re seein someone? Like a boyfriend or somethin?”

“I mean, I don’t really know what other way to say it except–”

The telephone rang. I grabbed it immediately, grateful for the interruption. “Hello?”

“What are you doin?” It was Chris. I felt both relief and discomfort hearing from him. I rose off the couch and walked toward the kitchen so Jason couldn’t hear my conversation.

“Nothin’, just watchin TV.”

“That all?” Chris asked me suspiciously, as though he already knew what was going on. My heart froze for a quick second.

“Yeah, I’m just hangin around. Nothin to do…why? What are you doin?”

“Drivin,” Chris answered.

My panic continued to grow. “Drivin where?”

“To your house, dumbass. Me and the boys wanted to come by and see you.”

A cold chill zipped down my spine. “What boys are you talkin about, Chris?”

“Bill and Scotty. We got finished comin from the gym and I just thought we would come through for a quick minute and chill,” Chris said. “What you sound all weird and shit for?”

“I’m not soundin weird…how close are you to my house?” I could hear Billy Anderson and Scott Howard talking and laughing in Chris’ background.

“We’re turnin down your street right now,” Chris said. “We’ll be there in like a minute or two.” There was no way I was gonna be able to get Jason out of the house before Chris and the others showed up. So basically I was fucked, and not in a good way. From where I was standing, I could see Jason still sitting on the couch. The smile he usually had on his face was replaced by a horrible grimace. He looked really pissed off and it was all my fault, because I hadn’t told him beforehand that I was going out with Chris–but I didn’t even know that I was being exclusive with Chris until earlier that day–either way, it wasn’t a good situation. I probably fucked up any chance of Jason and I having any kind of friendship or– “Whose car is this parked up in your driveway?” Chris said, interrupting my thoughts.

I felt like my whole body had just shut down at once; I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t think. It was over now, I was in serious fucked up shit now.

“B, I asked you whose car is this in your driveway?” Even from the kitchen I could hear the loud music from Chris’ truck clearly. Jason turned his eyes in the direction of the front door.

“Is somebody here?” Jason asked.

All I could think was: Why the fuck is this happening to me? Why can’t anything ever fuckin go right in my life without me gettin wrapped up in stupid, dramatic shit. I could’ve told Chris that the car parked in the driveway was my mother’s car, and that she was home and he wouldn’t be able to come inside, but I didn’t feel like lying, and eventually, he would figure it out anyway. “Jason is here,” I told him. I waited breathlessly for Chris’ response because I knew he was probably gonna start yelling at me and cursing me out for doing something he asked me not to do.
But Chris didn’t say anything. He just hung up the phone. The dial tone buzzed in my ear for a good ten seconds before I hung up as well. And right when I put the phone back on the hook, I heard very loud knocking on my front door. Jason stood up.

“You know what, Brandon,” Jason said, “I think it’s time for me to go.”

In my head I thought: it’s too late for you to leave now. I was glad that he came but I wished he had never come–and I wish Chris had never come either–but then I was glad that Chris had come at the right moment before me and Jason really got started.

“Jason, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“It’s cool,” Jason said quickly. “I’ll talk to you later.” He walked briskly over to the door and opened it, to reveal Chris, Billy and Scott Howard standing in the doorway. I saw Jason’s whole body kinda tense up when he saw Chris standing there. And when Chris saw Jason, a wide grin crossed his cunning, sexy face and he said, “Where you goin, pretty boy? The party is just bout to get started.”

My thoughts at the moment were: Oh fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

Chris brushed past Jason and made his way over to the couch and plopped down. Billy and Scott stormed inside, both wearing silly grins on their cute faces. They sat on the couch beside Chris. Jason remained standing in the doorway, a look of severe resentment on his face. “So B,” Chris said to me, “what were the two of you doin’ before we got here?”

I sat in an armchair directly across from Chris. My knees were shaking. “We were just watchin a movie.”

“What movie was it?” Scott asked, gazing at me with a grin on his face. For a freshman boy who was probably only fifteen, had an amazingly deep voice, tall and dark-haired, with an incredibly muscular body shape and the confidence of a dude who was a freshman in college, not high school.

“Just some old movie. You probably haven’t heard of it.” I told him. My voice was shaking.
Chris stared at me, very hard; he was trying to uncover my secrets with his eyes and he was making me more uncomfortable.

With his eyes still locked on me, Chris told Jason, “Shut the door, pretty boy. You’re lettin the cold get inside.”

“I’m about to leave,” Jason said flatly, looking at me. Everyone in the room was looking at me strangely as though I had just confessed to killing a bunch of people.

Still, with his eyes on me, Chris replied, “You’re not goin anywhere, pretty boy. You’re gonna spend some time with us.” Chris finally broke his stony gaze from me, smiled, and looked in Jason’s direction. “There’s a lot we wanna know about you.”

Jason still had his hand wrapped around the doorknob and his eyes still on me. His face had softened a little, but there was still evidence of anger left in those stunning hazel eyes of his. “No,” Jason said, “it’s really time for me to get outta here.”
“What,” Chris asked, “you got a fuckin curfew or somethin? Is daddy gonna beat your little tight ass if you’re not home by ten o’clock?”

“More like eat his little tight ass,” Billy joked. Chris and the others burst out laughing.

Chris and the others burst out laughing.

Jason’s face became inflamed with rage again, but instead of walking out of the door, he shut it, made his way over to one of the chairs and sat. “I knew we could get you to stay,” Chris said smugly, still grinning. “Now the fun can get started–”

“Chris, I need to talk to you for a moment,” I said. Chris looked over at me and that smug grin faded from his face temporarily.

“About what, B?”

I stood from my seat. “I want to talk to you in private, Chris.”

“Why? We’re all friends here…well. actually, that shit isn’t true. But still, whatever you gotta say to me you can say it in front of everybody.”

“Chris, can you stop fuckin around for one second and do what I asked you?”

“Damn, Chris,” Billy said, “you’re gonna let him punk you around like that?”

“Billy, shut the fuck up,” I yelled. “Nobody was fuckin talkin to your ass.”

Billy and Scott burst out laughing again. I really hated those fuckin, dumb-hot-as-hell-assholes.

To Jason, Chris said, “See, this is how Brandon really is, not that little sensitive, innocent bullshit act he tries to pull off in front of you.” Jason didn’t respond. Chris rose from his chair and followed me to the kitchen where we could be alone. He opened up my refrigerator and pulled out a can of 7 Up. “What was so fuckin important that you had to drag me all the way in here to talk about?” Chris asked as he popped open the soda can.

“Tell me what you’re doin here, Chris.”

Taking a long sip from the soda, Chris burped extremely loud and said, “Told you I was gonna come over here and see you later on tonight. I know you remember me tellin you that.”

“Yeah, but you said nothin about bringin Billy and Scott Howard over to my house.”

“And you said nothin bout Jason Coleman comin over to your house,” Chris shot back. He crushed the tin can in his hand and tossed it in the trash can near the back door. “What’s up with that shit, B?”

“I don’t know. He came over here like twenty minutes after you left. I didn’t ask him to come over here.”

“And you didn’t tell him to leave either,” Chris said, a hint of anger in his voice. “Guess you don’t waste no time, huh?” Chris opened the freezer, looked around, and pulled out a frozen burrito.

“It would be nice if you asked to go through my shit, Chris.”

Chris popped the burrito in the microwave. “Well, B, it’d be nice if you wasn’t fuckin around with dudes after I asked you not to.”

“I didn’t do anything with Jason,” I said. That was a partial lie.

“Bullshit, B. And if you don’t want them to hear you I suggest talkin a little bit softer.” The timer went off and Chris pulled the burrito out of the microwave.

“For real, I didn’t do anything with him, Chris.”

“That big ass fuckin hickey on your neck says otherwise.” Chris took a large bite. “And even if you wasn’t playin with his dick, you wanted to, and that’s the same fuckin difference to me.”

I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything.

“So unless you got somethin else you wanna talk about,” Chris said, “let’s go back in there and see what’s goin on with everybody else.”

Defeated, I followed Chris back into the living room where we joined the others. Chris sat on the couch along with Scott and Billy, and I sat in the chair Chris had been sitting in before we went to the kitchen. As he finished the last bite of his burrito, Chris asked Jason, “Your name is Jason right? I saw you today in the library.”

“Yeah,” Jason said awkwardly, glancing in my direction.

“What are you doin over here?” Chris questioned. He sounded like a detective, asking a murder suspect where he had been on the night of the crime.

“Came to see Brandon,” Jason said. He tried to sound confident, but there was still some shakiness to his voice.

“But I told you that Brandon wasn’t gonna be available today,” Chris said. “What, did you think I was lyin or somethin?”

“I wanted to see for myself,” Jason answered firmly. He looked over at me. I smiled at him, but Jason didn’t return the smile.

“I see,” Chris replied, nodding his head. I could tell that he was getting ready to make his move. Billy and Scott could also tell that Chris was formulating the perfect trap for Jason in his mind. To Scott, Chris said, “Scotty, go in the kitchen and get some sodas for us in the refrigerator–”

Scott got up from the couch and walked toward the kitchen. I just sat, waiting in silence, wishing that none of this was happening. A minute later, Scott returned with five cans of Coke. He handed me one and tossed one over to Chris, who caught the can in one hand and popped the lid open with the other. There was a few moments of silence, and then from nowhere, Chris asked Jason, “So, Jason, did you come over here to fuck my boyfriend?”

Nobody said a thing; nobody moved–except for Chris, who drank heavily from the can while eying Jason. I sucked in a deep breath and my heartbeat skipped. Did I really just hear that? Did Chris just call me his boyfriend? For a while I believed that was just part of my imagination. Jason seemed puzzled too, because he had the same bewildered expression on his face that I and the rest of us had on our faces. “Huh?” Jason asked.

“You heard what I asked,” Chris said. “I really hate repeatin myself.”

Jason looked over at me very quickly and then at Chris. “No,” he answered indignantly. “I just came over here to spend time with him. And Brandon didn’t tell me he had a boyfriend.

“That’s `cause I didn’t know I had a ‘boyfriend’,” I said, glaring at Chris.

Chris chuckled and downed the rest of the Coke in one gulp. “B, we’ve been fuckin just about everyday for the past fuckin two weeks. That has to tell you somethin.”

“Two weeks?” Scott asked in disbelief. “Damn, Green. That must be a record for you. You’ve never been with one person that long.”

“See, B? Proves my point,” Chris said. “So Jason, are you sure that you didn’t come over here to get into my boyfriend’s ass?”

Jason gave Chris the meanest look I ever saw a person give. “I told you what I came here to do. And I don’t have to explain nothin else to you.”
“You’re right, pretty boy,” Chris said, “you don’t.” He took a brief pause. “You think B…Brandon is cute, don’t you?”

Not looking at me, my primarily at Chris, Jason said, “Yeah. I do.”

Chris crushed the empty soda can in his hand. “B thinks you’re cute too. He thinks you’re more than cute. He thinks you sexy as a motherfucker.” This time Jason did look at me and there was an almost hopeful look in his eyes as though he wanted to believe what Chris was saying. “I can tell by the way he looks at you,” Chris continued. “You can always tell by the way somebody looks at you. Isn’t that right, B?”

I didn’t say anything.

Amused by my silence, Chris went on. “Maybe you didn’t want to fuck Brandon tonight, but he wanted to fuck you–”

“No, I…” Everyone looked at me. I felt really embarrassed and stupid. The whole situation was making me feel embarrassed and stupid. “Let’s not talk about any of this shit,” I said. “I wish everybody would just get outta–”

“How big is your dick, Jason?” Chris interrupted. I shut up. Jason just continued to mean mug Chris and I could see the fury burning behind his bright amber-colored eyes. “You look like you might be packin eight inches…maybe eight and a quarter. Hey Bill, what do you think?”

Billy examined Jason’s crotch area as though he were studying some ancient artifact. “Yeah, I probably would say the same thing. Not too thick, but not too skinny either. Just right in the middle.”

“Probably has a really nice ass too,” Scott chimed in.

“So go on, pretty boy,” Chris said, crossing his large, muscular arms over his chest. “Tell us what you’re workin with.” Billy and Scott laughed; I groaned, extremely annoyed. This had just become the worst fuckin night of my life, and I could tell that it was not about to be over anytime soon.

“Don’t worry about how big my dick is,” Jason replied angrily. It was weird to hear Jason say ‘dick’ it didn’t sound normal. “It’s big enough.”

“Well, I’m just sayin,” Chris said. “B likes big dicks. I mean, I have my dick is almost twelve inches long–and I’m not fuckin kiddin–and Brandon just takes my dick like a fuckin expert. I haven’t ever seen nobody, male or female, that can take a dick the way B does. So if you ever planned on fuckin him, I just wanted to make sure you had the right size equipment.”

“It’s nine and a half inches,” Jason answered sternly. Wow. For Jason’s slender, swimmer’s build, that was really big. From the looks on Scott and Billy’s face, they seemed impressed too–everyone of course, except for Chris.

“Nine and a half is alright,” Chris said. “I mean, you know, I was nine and a half when I was fourteen, but that’s just me…”

“Congratulations. Do you wanna fuckin gold medal?” Jason replied sarcastically. He slouched in his chair, spreading his legs open a little bit. He opened the top to his soda, and at that moment, I realized that Jason was enjoying this crossfire match between him and Chris. He was waiting for Chris to strike next, and Chris aware that Jason was waiting, was very eager to oblige. This wasn’t an argument over me anymore, it was an ego match.

“Show us,” Chris said. “We wanna see this big dick you claim to have.”

“No fuckin way,” Jason answered.

“C’mon, pretty boy. Don’t be dick-shy. All of us in this room know what a dick looks like…” Chris turned to me. “And most of us knows how a dick ‘feels’ like.”

“You’re a fuckin asshole, Chris,” I said to him.

Winking at me, Chris responded, “That’s why you like me so much. B.”

Jason saw that little interaction between Chris and I, because all of a sudden, he seemed to have a change of heart. “Fine, I’ll do it–but only if you do it first.”

“What would be the point?” Chris wondered. “Everybody in this room has already seen my dick before.”

“Well, if it’s as wonderful as you claim it is,” Jason said, “they won’t mind seein it again. And plus, I haven’t seen it yet.”

I could really tell where this situation was heading and I sure as hell wasn’t about to let it happen. Chris stood up and was about to drop his jeans, when I said, “Chris, sit the fuck down. Nobody is pullin their dicks out tonight in my house. I want everybody out of my house now. I mean it! Everybody EVERYBODY get the fuck out now!”

“He looks kinda serious,” Scott said with a wide grin on his Gap-model face.

“You’re damn fuckin right I’m serious. Everybody out. Now. I’ve had enough of all this bullshit.”

Jason rose from his seat and walked quickly toward the door. Billy and Scott got up lazily and started to make their way to the door as well. “What a fuckin prick,” Scott muttered, loud enough for me to hear him. Chris remained in his seat, very determined not to move.

“That means you too, Chris,” I said.

Chris smiled. “Don’t think so, B.” He reached into his pocket, took out the keys to his truck. “Yo Bill, drive the truck back to the house. I’ll come get it tomorrow. I’m spendin the night here.”

Hearing that, Jason turned around, looked at the both of us, scowled, and walked out of the door. I felt an overwhelming guilt and I knew that I had to go after him. As though he had read my mind, Chris said, “Don’t do it, B. Stay here.”

“No, I need to go tell him somethin before he leaves.”

“Let the little pussy-ass go home and cry on his pink pillow.”

“One day, you’re really gonna get tired of fuckin around with me, Chris. And that day is gonna be soon.” I walked out of the house, leaving the front door wide open.

“B, get your ass back in here!” Chris yelled. But I ignored him. I caught up to Jason right as he was getting into his car.

“Jason, wait up right quick. I want to talk to you.”

“About what, Brandon?” Jason asked sharply. “I don’t really want to hear anything from you.”

“I’m sorry about what happened in there. I didn’t mean for shit to happen the way it did.”

“You should’ve told me you were seeing someone,” Jason said. “I wouldn’t have wasted my time.” It felt like a bullet to the heart when he said that to me.

“Me and Chris…we’ve only been…together I guess for a couple of weeks. I mean, we just…”

“I’m surprised that’s the kind of dude you like,” Jason said. “I thought you would go for a different type.”

“I thought so too.”

Jason leaned against this car. “This shit always happen. I like somebody and then they like somebody else. I guess this proves you gotta be an asshole to get somebody to like you. That’s all people ever seem to like.”

“That’s not true,” I said. “I like you.”

Jason shook his head. “Not the way you like him. I can tell. Like he said, it’s all in the way you look at somebody…he was right. I wanted to have sex with you tonight. I’m glad it didn’t, `cause it wouldn’t have meant shit to you. I would’ve been just another fuck to you.”

I wanted to say that wasn’t true, but I didn’t. Instead, I said, “Jason, I don’t want you to be mad at me. Can’t we be friends or something?”

Jason looked at me and the hardness in his eyes softened a little–but only a little. Softly, he said, “No. You’re not the kind of person I want to know Brandon.” Of all the insults and hurtful things anyone had ever said to me, including Chris, that had to be the worst. I felt like my heart had just sunk down to my stomach. “You probably should go back inside now,” he said, “your ‘boyfriend’ is waiting for you.” I turned around to see Chris standing in the open doorway, watching the two of us. “Bye, Brandon,” Jason said and got into his car. I watched as he turned on the engine and pulled away down the street. Afterwards, I slowly turned and made my way back into the house. Chris blocked my path.

“Move the fuck outta my way, Chris.” I pushed him aside and entered the house. I had never been so pissed off and emotionally weak at the same time.

“You still want me to leave?” Chris asked. He closed the door and came toward me. But I didn’t want him to be next to me.

“I don’t know what I want from you, Chris…I don’t know what I want at all.” I collapsed on the couch.

“C’mon, B. Let’s go to your room.”

I didn’t feel like moving from my spot on the couch, but reluctantly I got up and both of us made our way to my bedroom. My bed was still unmade. I didn’t feel like sleeping on dirty sheets, so I stripped the bed and laid on the bare mattress. Chris pulled off his shirt and shoes and lay beside me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and drew me close to him. “Don’t be mad at me, B. I just didn’t want him to touch you the way I do.”

“I know, Chris,” I whispered, looking out of my bedroom window.

Chris slipped his hand underneath my shirt and start to rub my chest with his smooth warm hand. I could feel my skin heat up. I wanted him to keep touching me all over. “Only me,” Chris whispered. “I only want you to be with me, B. Nobody else.” Chris pulled my shirt over my head. He unbuckled my jeans and lowered them a little. His hand dug inside of my jeans and found my hardening dick.

“There is nobody else,” I told him. Not anymore. I relaxed as Chris continued to run his hands all over my body. He took off my pants so that I was completely naked. He pulled off his jeans as well so that we were both naked, and I felt his massive dick poking against the crack of my ass. My dick was really hard; I wanted him to fuck me, but at the same time I didn’t. “Don’t stick it in,” I told him softly. “I just want to lay here with you until I go to sleep.” I just wanted to be quiet and not talk. I wanted to surrounded by silence and feel the warmth of Chris’ touch. Above all, I wanted things to be simple. But that wasn’t possible. Nothing could ever be simple. “…Chris?”

“What?” he asked licking the back of my neck.

I wanted to ask Chris if it was possible one day that he might love me, if one day would I be really important to him. But I didn’t have the balls to ask him. And when I really thought about it, I didn’t want to know the answer tonight. “Never mind,” I said. “Some other time.” In my head I thought: Maybe.

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